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Commonapp essay 2 - an experience in tutoring



Liyuan 2 / 6  
Dec 20, 2013   #1
Option #2: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did you learn?

When my student had to stop his tuition with me because he was underperforming, I felt like I had failed an exam.
I started to teach tuition after 'A' levels because I had free weekends during my two years of national service. I liked tuition and enjoyed tutoring. Because I had good results in school, I was conceited. There were many student tutors who did less well than me, so I thought if they could teach tuition, then I would not be just an average tutor. I wanted my students to have good results.

In March this year I started to tutor James in 'O' level physics. James was bright and easy to teach. He understood what I explain without difficulties and he was very good in Math (he was top in his class for math). I saw that he had a lot of aptitude, so I recommended he go beyond the usual difficulty level and practice on more challenging questions. I believed more challenging questions would benefit him by challenging him to think harder. We had a good chemistry and he told me he liked me more than his physics teacher in school.

When James's preliminary exams came, I gave him past year papers to practice on independently. It was an acid test of how much James had improved since I tutored him. I was astonished when he consistently failed all three papers I gave him. His parents stopped his tuition with me afterwards and I was devastated. I could not understand why I did not succeed with this student. I also became disillusioned about teaching.

I spent a lot of time reflecting on the five months I tutored James. James did poorly because he had a mindset that hindered him. He believed that getting questions correct shows that he is smart while getting them wrong shows that he is stupid. When he practiced, he skipped questions that were too hard. Doing that precluded him from getting questions wrong, but he also sabotaged himself by avoiding genuine practice. It was why although he could understand things quickly, he could not improve his results.

It became clear to me that I did not have as much influence on students as I thought I had. As a tutor I have always given a lot of effort to answer questions, explain concepts and ensure my students practice. I have done everything with the benefit of the student in mind. If the student does not put in effort to learn however, it would be difficult for him or her to make improvement.

In a broader sense, I learnt that failing in tuition is like losing in poker. The best hand in poker, an A-A hand, has an 87% chance of winning the worst hand in poker, a 7-2 hand. But that means A-A also has a 13% chance of losing to 7-2. Normally we would feel bad if we lose with A-A but good poker players would understand that there is nothing to feel stupid about losing with the better odds. This applies to teaching as well. Sometimes despite all of a teacher's efforts a student fails and the teacher might feel defeated. The fact is there are bound to be some students who do badly. For example they are lazy to do their homework. It is important for a vain teacher like me to see tuition success and failure in this way so I can understand my role in tutoring and continue to invest my time and effort in what I love to do.

All in all I learnt to assess failure objectively. Also I hope this experience will make me both a better teacher and a better student.

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This is the commonapp essay I wrote when I applied early to Harvard. I was deferred. When I was writing this essay I was reading some of the sample essays accepted by top schools and they actually confused me as to what would be a good essay. So I didn't have a clear idea of what would cut it as a good and personal essay and I ended up with something like that. I personally feel that this essay is not a good reflection of myself and I have written another essay for commonapps, planning to discard this. However I would like to learn from you guys how this essay feels so I can get a better sense of my writing. Please criticize it for me. Lots of thanks!

roscon1995 4 / 6  
Dec 21, 2013   #2
underperforming ; sounds awkward
There were many student tutors who did less well than me ;very awkard
He understood what I explain without difficulties and he.; explained
He believed that getting questions correct shows that (showed that) he is smart while getting them wrong shows that he is stupid . (he was smart and getting them wrong showed that he was stupid.

Entirely this essay was confusing. Particularly, I didn't know what you meant by tuition and the whole poker analogy lost the readers attention. Okay so aside from those minor corrections, you had many other grammar mistakes. If you're going to apply to Harvard, you absolutely should have gotten this essay looked at or edited by a peer/teacher, and this essay was definitely not.


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