I just want to know how I can change this so that it better answers the prompt or how well I answered the prompt (I'm editing an essay for another school):
As a first generation American, the son of two people from disparate and
vastly different cultures and circumstances, I have come to achieve a
perspective that reflects the unique portrait of how my family and I came to
be. My father came to the States when he was 26 years of age seeking refuge
from the communist reality in his homeland of Poland. He brought with him a
cardboard suitcase with some clothes, trinkets, and a master's degree in
chemical engineering, all in the hopes of surviving and making a life here. He
met my mother, an art designer from Lima, Peru, his first night at an ESL class
on the campus of UCLA. She came from money, he didn't. She was artistic, Latin,
and free-thinking. He was a graduate trained engineer, who grew up the son of
Slavic subsistence farmers in a totalitarian socialist reality. All that being
the case, they found enough similarities and common threads amongst their
cultures and circumstances that they made a life here together as well as ones
for my older brother, sister, and I. In that way, I feel beyond fortunate to
have been furnished the opportunities and freedoms those of us in the United
States have been afforded. However, I also appreciate my parents' cultures as
they are my heritage and have made me who and how I am. I frequently visit my
family in Poland and Peru, and share much with them, but with that said I
recognize that I am the uniquely American brand of our shared cultures.
I was brought up in a predominantly Latin household, despite my father's
Slavic roots. Spanish was my first language, my brother and sister spoke it,
my mother spoke it in the house, and my nanny Amacha could only speak it.
Amacha had been my mother's nanny and my grandparents' house helper, and when
my mother settled down she brought Amacha here to help her make a home. She was
a descendant of the Incas, an ancient civilization of the region, and from a
small village near Cusco, Peru which had been the capital of the Incan Empire.
She spoke Spanish to us, but she could also speak Quechua, the language of the
Incas. She often told my siblings and I stories about Peru and the Incas, and
their great cities such as Machu Picchu. Amacha passed away at the age of 73,
when I was only 6 years old, but despite my age she still had a tremendous
impact on my upbringing and even more so on my older brother's and sister's,
who still frequently mention her in reverence.
And indeed Amacha's stories and fables had piqued our curiosity, as the
summer before my freshman year of high school my father, brother, and I went to
Cusco, a large town near Amacha's native village. We had come to Cusco to see
the ruins of Machu Picchu, which was an ancient Incan city. We traveled to
ruins by way of a three day hike up the mountain and through the jungle, for
dinner we would eat whatever our guides caught. We arrived the morning of the
third day to a very steep stair case which would lead us to the top of the
mountain, and the ruins. The ruins were impressive and one could certainly
appreciate what it took to make them but I will always remember and appreciate
the adventure I had on my way to them.
Shortly after our trip down the mountain in an old crowded bus we returned
to Lima, Peru where my mother and sister had been staying, with the rest of our
family. My mother was a child of six so I had no shortage of cousins or family
to keep me entertained in Lima. Lima is like most cities in that there are
plenty of places to be and see, but my experience there with my cousins was
particularly pleasant, as they knew all the best places to be and see. I had
been on many trips to Peru and Poland in the past, but this was the most recent
and by far the most memorable of my trips.
When I returned to the United States I brought back with me souvenirs and
fond memories, but I also brought back a new perspective and vantage on my
heritage and myself as an individual. For that reason I feel fortunate to have
been endowed with the opportunity to excel, academically and financially, that
the United States provides.
As a first generation American, the son of two people from disparate and
vastly different cultures and circumstances, I have come to achieve a
perspective that reflects the unique portrait of how my family and I came to
be. My father came to the States when he was 26 years of age seeking refuge
from the communist reality in his homeland of Poland. He brought with him a
cardboard suitcase with some clothes, trinkets, and a master's degree in
chemical engineering, all in the hopes of surviving and making a life here. He
met my mother, an art designer from Lima, Peru, his first night at an ESL class
on the campus of UCLA. She came from money, he didn't. She was artistic, Latin,
and free-thinking. He was a graduate trained engineer, who grew up the son of
Slavic subsistence farmers in a totalitarian socialist reality. All that being
the case, they found enough similarities and common threads amongst their
cultures and circumstances that they made a life here together as well as ones
for my older brother, sister, and I. In that way, I feel beyond fortunate to
have been furnished the opportunities and freedoms those of us in the United
States have been afforded. However, I also appreciate my parents' cultures as
they are my heritage and have made me who and how I am. I frequently visit my
family in Poland and Peru, and share much with them, but with that said I
recognize that I am the uniquely American brand of our shared cultures.
I was brought up in a predominantly Latin household, despite my father's
Slavic roots. Spanish was my first language, my brother and sister spoke it,
my mother spoke it in the house, and my nanny Amacha could only speak it.
Amacha had been my mother's nanny and my grandparents' house helper, and when
my mother settled down she brought Amacha here to help her make a home. She was
a descendant of the Incas, an ancient civilization of the region, and from a
small village near Cusco, Peru which had been the capital of the Incan Empire.
She spoke Spanish to us, but she could also speak Quechua, the language of the
Incas. She often told my siblings and I stories about Peru and the Incas, and
their great cities such as Machu Picchu. Amacha passed away at the age of 73,
when I was only 6 years old, but despite my age she still had a tremendous
impact on my upbringing and even more so on my older brother's and sister's,
who still frequently mention her in reverence.
And indeed Amacha's stories and fables had piqued our curiosity, as the
summer before my freshman year of high school my father, brother, and I went to
Cusco, a large town near Amacha's native village. We had come to Cusco to see
the ruins of Machu Picchu, which was an ancient Incan city. We traveled to
ruins by way of a three day hike up the mountain and through the jungle, for
dinner we would eat whatever our guides caught. We arrived the morning of the
third day to a very steep stair case which would lead us to the top of the
mountain, and the ruins. The ruins were impressive and one could certainly
appreciate what it took to make them but I will always remember and appreciate
the adventure I had on my way to them.
Shortly after our trip down the mountain in an old crowded bus we returned
to Lima, Peru where my mother and sister had been staying, with the rest of our
family. My mother was a child of six so I had no shortage of cousins or family
to keep me entertained in Lima. Lima is like most cities in that there are
plenty of places to be and see, but my experience there with my cousins was
particularly pleasant, as they knew all the best places to be and see. I had
been on many trips to Peru and Poland in the past, but this was the most recent
and by far the most memorable of my trips.
When I returned to the United States I brought back with me souvenirs and
fond memories, but I also brought back a new perspective and vantage on my
heritage and myself as an individual. For that reason I feel fortunate to have
been endowed with the opportunity to excel, academically and financially, that
the United States provides.