'community feel of the campus' - BARNARD COLLEGE ESSAY: WHY BARNARD?

These essays for Barnard have really been stressing me out and any help or constructive criticism would be much appreciated, Thank You!

While voyaging into the wonderful world of college searching finding an institution of higher learning that fulfills my needs was a exhausting yet exhilarating experience. I came across Barnard when I was researching liberal arts colleges online and leaned about the term "Seven Sisters". Before this time I was never introduced to an exclusively female college and the idea immediately sparked my curiosity. Barnard stood out among the other colleges to me, not only because of its urban location, but also because of its track record for producing strong, independent, and successful women. When I stepped on campus I knew I wanted to be apart of the Barnard women legacy, have the opportunity to experience the nine ways of knowing, and study in the major that will help me reach my dreams. I love the community feel of the campus with the amenities of a major city and their many traditions, such as midnight breakfast before finals and Big Sub in the fall. I know with a Barnard college education I can face the world with confidence as a mature Barnard woman.

It's so PRO-BERNARD...lol
It's pretty strong.
I have corrected the grammatical errors and attempted to improve the fluency.
I hope this helps, should you chose to use my alterations.
Good Luck!

Overall, this is an okay response. But when colleges ask "Why us?" believe it or not, your answer should still be all about you. You are trying to show why you are their perfect student, not just why they are a really good college. They already know all the things you've written about, so telling them something new will make you stand out. Key questions I as a reader wanted answers to are: Why do you want to go to an exclusively female college? What are the goals you keep referring to (major, career, activities, etc.), and how is Barnard going to help you get there?

Ok....however, it is better if you included your essay prompt also in the post so that we know exactly what it requires and accordingly check whether your answer is aligned with those requirements.


.... well, I do not think this sentence made much meaningful contribution to your response. Try and avoid talking about general stuff and get more focus on to yourself. I believe you have a strict word count and therefore make use of every word to help them understand you as a person , thereby a deserving candidate :)