The Computer Engineering program - reasons why you decide to apply to this department..

Why this area of Sejong University?

Please tell us the reasons why you decided to apply to the department/area of Sejong University to which you are applying (be specific). (200 (min.)~400 (max.) words)

Please help me to correct mistakes.

I did tons of research about a bachelor's degree in the Computer Engineering Program of Sejong university, and I strongly believe it would be a perfect match for me since Korea is one of the most technologically advanced countries. Furthermore, the Computer Engineering program at Sejong University provides highly-qualified knowledge through different lectures and team-based projects to equip students with essential skills.

Nowadays, technologies surround us everywhere, and their main purpose is to make life easier to live. My passion for technologies started when I was a kid. I still can remember my stunned face when my close friend built for me my first computer. Afterward, he taught me how to use a PC and download different games on my own. He was the person who encouraged me to learn to code even though my family thought that IT was for boys. He taught me how to create websites and online web games. I was doing well until he applied to Kyungbok university and flew to Korea, leaving me alone with obstacles that helped me examine myself and opened the self-study world for me. Finally, when I participated in my first Hackathon, I realized that coding and engineering skills allow me to integrate new technology innovations into our future. After that, I organized a community for girls who desire to make a typical science-fiction future world come true and prove to everyone that girls could be in tech as well as boys.

After all, thanks to my friend and my community, I can be sure that nothing better matches me as the Information Technologies field, and majoring in the Computer Engineering program will help fulfill my desire to develop technologies that can improve people's everyday lives.

This is a highly unprofessional sentence structure. Remember that you are addressing an academic professional through this essay. Therefore a high degree of writing formality is required for the essay, Revise this opening statement to show a higher degree of academic writing standards as expected of an academically educated person.


This is really a useless statement. It does not contain any specific academic and career objectives that will be responded to through the studies and training you will exposed to through the course.


3 problems with this presentation. First, is the continued used of informal / casual English writing presentations. Second, aim for a more high school related basis for your interest in the course. The reference to "kid" is not only informat, but unbelievable as a claim in the eyes of the reviewer. Third, I learned more about your friend and his talents in this field in relation to its influence upon you, rather than how his presence led you to pursue your own interests, independent of his presence.