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Reasons to choose Waterloo and Computer engineering, educational goals & interest in chosen program

sami21 1 / 1  
Feb 11, 2023   #1
Do I sound too robotic? Is this a typical generic answer? Any advice is much appreciated!

Question 1: Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo

Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

I look forward to gaining theoretical knowledge that will help fuel my progressive mindset and to create a positive experience at the Faculty of Engineering. I aspire to make a commendable contribution in interpreting complex problems utilizing evolving algorithms with the influence of technology and expand my knowledge of programming to achieve my full potential in these areas. Majoring in Computer science and Business will enable me to become a member of the UW Blueprint Organization and the co-op program that will further enhance my academic interests and proficiency in the fields to develop a system combined with both computational and commerce that can greatly benefit the corporate community and general society. A dedicated higher study at the University of Waterloo will enable me to aggregate my academic skills and experience in achieving my entrepreneurial future in the field.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,941 4806  
Feb 11, 2023   #2
The first sentence can be ommitted since it does not really respond in a direct manner to the given discussion points. Sentence 2 makes for a more impressive starting point. Sentence 3 though, needs to be cut in the middle. Separate the discussion points to better develop the individual references and explanations. It is too compressed and uses a general reasoning format when the 2 sections have different focus points and therefore, more specific explanation developments. The last sentence does not say anything of value for the consideration of the screener. That is the sentence that needs to be totally revised to better explain the qualities of Waterloo that specifically cater to your academic goals.
OP sami21 1 / 1  
Feb 11, 2023   #3
Thank you so much Holt!

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