I did tons of research about a bachelor's degree
This is a highly unprofessional sentence structure. Remember that you are addressing an academic professional through this essay. Therefore a high degree of writing formality is required for the essay, Revise this opening statement to show a higher degree of academic writing standards as expected of an academically educated person.
Korea is one of the ... with essential skills.
This is really a useless statement. It does not contain any specific academic and career objectives that will be responded to through the studies and training you will exposed to through the course.
Nowadays, ...started when I was a kid.
3 problems with this presentation. First, is the continued used of informal / casual English writing presentations. Second, aim for a more high school related basis for your interest in the course. The reference to "kid" is not only informat, but unbelievable as a claim in the eyes of the reviewer. Third, I learned more about your friend and his talents in this field in relation to its influence upon you, rather than how his presence led you to pursue your own interests, independent of his presence.