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'Computer related fields of study' - Motivational essay for university


TJack 1 / -  
Mar 28, 2012   #1
Can someone tell me if it's good or not? Are there any mistakes? Should I correct anything?

How an AUBG education will broaden your global perspective and cultivate your capacity for social responsibility?

Computer related fields of study have profound significance and application. That's why I long to pursue degrees in information systems, which has intrigued and attracted me to the world of modern computers and communication technology. I have always wanted a career connected with management with the computer as my main tool. Strategic planning, data management and data processing are few of the core fundamentals of my chosen curriculum. I want to pursue this curriculum at AUBG because the courses offered there will give me a global perspective by exposing me to people and technology from around the world, sharpening my team work and communication skills, allowing me to dig deeper into important technical subjects, as well as developing my capability and knowledge for IT workplaces.

AUBG is a multicultural university with diverse ethnic groups from all over the world with different social backgrounds. I will have the opportunity to meet students from many nationalities, which will widen my cultural awareness and develop my communication skills. It will be a whole new world of ideas, concepts and ways of thinking. Additionally, the general education course will strengthen my capacity for knowledge and life skills essential to my future. In this way, I will have access to both educations and cultures, which will build me a firm foundation for starting out in the computer industry.

Being able to efficiently communicate and work in a team is vital in every specialty. Effective interactions with people and collaboration with them contribute to effective working relationships, which is the key factor to achieve the main goal and develop the needed skills for respective areas. I will have the chance to practice these methods of working with other students, learn new things from them and cultivate my capacity for social responsibility.

Computer technologies have great influences on every aspect of our lives. Thanks to them modern medicine can treat many diseases and illnesses faster and more effectively than before. Entertainment, travelling and even literature are greatly affected by the importance of the computers. Business practices have also changed with the development of technology. From banking systems to financing, computers have become irreplaceable. Database systems, information security and e-business are a few of the foundation of information systems courses that triggered my interest. My inner curiosity in computer will help me expand my abilities in becoming a professional in my chosen field of study.

By giving me a deeper understanding of these technical subjects, allowing me to practice working in teams and communicating with others, and exposing me to people from around the world, an AUBG education will give me the global perspective and skills to help other people using my knowledge of general education and information systems.

Jennyflower81 - / 690 96  
Mar 28, 2012   #2
Computer related fields of study have profound significance and application. That's why I long to pursue degrees in information systems, which has intrigued and attracted me to the world of modern computers and communication technology.

I think that when you say "That's why I long to pursue degrees in information systems..." you are referring to the first sentence. The first sentence is implied to be the reason you desire to learn this subject. I think this sounds a bit weak, and could be strengthened by giving more concrete reason for wanting to study computers.

I have always wanted a career connected with management with the computer as my main tool. Strategic planning, data management and data processing are few of the core fundamentals of my chosen curriculum.

When you say "have always wanted" it does not sound as strong as "I will" or "I plan to"-- these things show self confidence and drive. Then you could say, "My education will ideally include core fundamentals of my chosen curriculum, including..."

I want to pursue this curriculum at AUBG because the courses offered there will give me a global perspective by exposing me to people and technology from around the world, sharpening my team work and communication skills, allowing me to dig deeper into important technical subjects, as well as developing my capability and knowledge for IT workplaces.

This sentence is far too long, break it up into a couple of sentences, but these are great reason to support your paper.

I will have the chance to practice these methods of working with other students, learn new things from them and cultivate my capacity for social responsibility

Can you think of any other benefits to working in a diverse setting, besides learn new things from them (sound vague) Also, you repeat the exact part from the original prompt question: " cultivate my capacity for social responsibility". I would change this phrase, re-word it so it does not replicate the question.


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