Computer Science faculty - Tell us about your academic potential and accomplishments.

Hi, everyone! Feel free to criticize essay and give any suggests to improve the essay.

Q2. Tell us about your academic potential and accomplishments. (200 words or less):

I was born in a family of educators and from early ages I have deeply influenced by an academic environment. I quickly grew passionate about the artistic value of video games and the logical nature of computer games. Furthermore, I am fond of studying Mathematics and Physics as well, so I have chosen Computer Science as my career due to its opening, modernity and lots of challenges.

From beginning years of attending school,despite most classmates I was able to perceive lessons considerably faster and my form-master having realized that abilities used to give me extra tasks for home.Thus, our teachers encouraged me to take part in various Olympiads and I was worthy of their trust by becoming ranked high in majority of competitions. For example, the latest in 2007, I won Olympiad in Math among secondary school graduates in my city.

After entering a high school, I started to discover seriously programming and managed to learn a substantial amount of HTML and PHP, through self-teaching. In 2009, I was ranked first in the national contest "Kelajak Ovozi" (The Voice of theFuture)on web technologies nomination. Also, I was invited to participate in the conference "Google Developer Day - 2009" which held in Russia and had opportunity to meet with other programmers from all over the world. This year, I am taking part in an international competition "Google Science Fair - 2011" with a project on computer science.

Thank you!

This is the answer for next question:

Q3. Among the many extracurricular activities you have done, tell us about the most important activity that influenced you (and the people around you). (200 words or less):

At the age of 14, I was encouraged to join a center of youth's initiatives as a volunteer to the section "Information and Communication Technologies". In the center, most of youth were talents and all of club members were organizing various seminars, activities and contests. After a year of my membership, our club president offered me to be at the head of ICTsection.

Before, joining this center I had had some problems with patience, responsibility and time management. Besides, I had been so shy that could not speak publicly. But, due to that youth's center I acquired a wide experience by conducting different type of arrangements. By being a head of a section, I have mastered a skill in leadership and organization and learnt how to respect others' opinion as well. Balancing class time and homework was frustrating, but somehow I succesfully managed my time.

Overall, by becoming a member of that club, I realized the importance of extracurricular activites for teenagers andthis volunteer work gave me a great chance to develop crucial skills which are needed in my near future.

^Personally, I believe this is irrelevant and thus would suggest removal.


^Grammar is considerably off here. Also, this sentence sounds more like a brag than a sell.


^'Our' should be replaced with 'my'
*Worthy of trust=remove/rephrase.


*In regards to your extra-cirruculars essay, I personally suggest an extra cirrucular that does not pertain to IT. By no means am I saying that this is the necessary or correct thing to do, however I just believe that showing interests other than just IT would show more diversity in yor character.

Nice one dude. Good luck

Thank you a lot! I'll fix my mistakes

I like Faisal's idea. Cut that first sentence, because it is not helpful. Then, you can start the essay like this:
I quickly grew passionate about the artistic value of video games and the logical nature of computer games at the same time I was studying Mathematics and Physics, so I have chosen...

Do you like it that way?

In the center, most of youth were talents and all of club members were helpful in organizing various seminars, activities and contests.---I don't know if I fixed this in the way that expresses the meaning you wanted to express. Does it seem okay?

By being a head of a section, I have mastered a skill in leadership and organization and learnt how to respect others' opinions as well.

:-)

thank you! you've been very helpful!