computers and my future - college entrance essay.

Hello, just for plagiarism reasons my name is Michael Gerhart and this is my college application essay.
I just wanted someone to help with with my essay and critique it as i am relying on it to help me get into college. thank you!!! the essay is for commonapp.org application for suny brockport. the essay requirement is 200-250 words.

COMPUTERS AND MY FUTURE

Over my lifetime I have learned many things and have had a few different hobbies. But there is one that I have always stuck with, I have always loved computers. Whether it be taking them apart or putting them together it has shaped who I am and where I want to go.

Since age 10 I have tinkered around with all sorts of technologies. I have salvaged computers and rebuilt them, and more recently built a very high end computer from scratch, eventually building a mini-network in my bedroom. Not only have I taught myself valuable knowledge on computers, I have built a dream, a dream that I am willing to go out of my way to accomplish. All of this has built the person I am today. After deciding what exactly I wanted to do in the field of technology I decided on computer science. Not just in general, specifically in the field of computer networking and network security. I find that it is a field I would absolutely love, and enjoy for a lifetime. SUNY Brockport offers an extraordinary program that would provide me with an excellent education, also a great environment to work in. I would be honored to get my education at Brockport. I believe the education I would get would not only give me the knowledge I need to succeed but give me the memories that last a lifetime.

Technology has been a huge part of my life. Hopefully, SUNY Brockport will be the part of my life that brings me to the fulfillment of my life goals. I am prepared to start fulfilling my dreams.

what's the prompt??? I can't say if your essay relates to the prompt given or not. Notwithstanding I'll try and edit it to the best of my abilities.

Over my lifetime I have learned many things and have had a few different hobbies, but there is one that I have always stuck with: computers.

Since age 10 I have tinkered around with all sorts of technologiestechnology, whether it was through salvaging old computers or rebuilding them. More recently I built a very high end computer from scratch, eventually building a mini-network in my bedroom.

After deciding what exactly I wanted to do in the field of technology I decided on computer science. Not just in general, specifically in the field of computer networking and network security. this needs to be restructured.

Good essay all around, just a few structuring issues. Again I don't know he prompt so I can't say if it was on point or not.

Good Luck!!!!!

well i took the option to pick my own topic and i wanted it to relate to the field i wanted to potentially go into. so i chose to write about my experience up to this point and how i wanted to go about my future in the field. but thank you for your critique!!! and your time!!