"Concept of a new idea, and its Execution " ; Why Choose Carnegie Mellon?

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Growing up as a witness to some of the greatest technological innovations of this era, I have always been enraptured with the concept of a new idea, and the execution of such ideas.

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Please read. I'll crit yours back. Just really need this one.

Turning this in ~one hour. Please see if I can improve upon it. Thank you.

Although I did not know it then ,

which lead to my self-studying of both the AP Macroeconomics and Microeconomics Exams, and ended up passing with flying colors.
Sounds like you're bragging. Don't the admiss see your AP scores?

Last paragraph seems like just one info blurb.

Side note: You're talking about BEST Robotics?

Can you read mine?

new idea, and the

I made a decision to find out exactly how these games were exactly made and proceeded to discover the massive world of digital technology and programming .

I ended up selling dozens of copies of my clever coding creation

Since my early foray into creating and lucratively selling my first computer game, my motivation has presented me with many chances along the way for me to delve into these new found discoveries what discoveries? (confusing word choice) . Entering high school, I founded a competitive robotics team that would eventually create a robot that with my programming knowledge and running the C language,would defeat dozens of teams in a regional tournament, and qualify for the state finals.

BTW only got halfway through and wanted to share, but I'll be back with more edits. great essay and congrats on these achievements :)

Apart from the mentioned above, I think your essay is well off grammatically. I also really like your ideas.
One little thing


how about: I will finally be able to sit...

Please help with mine :D deadline in a few hours: