why do you feel seattle university is a good match with your educational goals?
Hey guys I'm having a writer's block...I literally squeezed this whole thing out of my butt. I don't really like the flow of my essay&I feel it comes off weak in some parts. Would someone please kindly help me rephrase/change things around a bit? constructive criticism is always welcomed. Thanks!!
Growing up as a child, I was constantly on the move. Whether it was to a new school, or another country, changes in culture or language were inevitable. However, numbers were unchanging throughout. As a result, I love working with numbers and have come to appreciate the diversity in this world. I feel that Seattle University's Alber's school of business and economics would be a great fit for my educational goals. Not only will I be given the opportunity to study finance in a nationally recognized business school, but do so with students from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds as well. Just as Elif Shafak said, "If you want to destroy something in this life, be it an acne, blemish, a human soul, surround it with thick walls, and it will dry up inside"Cultural expression has always fascinated me, and I feel that as an individual, connection with the rest of the world is of great importance.
Upon research, Seattle University's strong Jesuits tradition is what initially grabbed my attention. Alber's business school incorporates Christian values into the character development of their student body. Being a Christian myself, I want to make my beliefs a lifestyle and opt for a learning environment would allow me to improve myself spiritually. Furthermore, the broad variety of undergraduate programs offered by the university will allow me to explore my interests in other fields such as art, and foreign language.
I have lived on Guam, an island in the Pacfic Ocean, for the most of my childhood. Having lived in the metropolitan capital of China prior to this slow paced island life, a part of me still longs for the city. As a soon to be high school graduate, I've outgrown this island and in need of a different, more fast paced lifestyle. Seattle University's location in downtown Seattle is what attracts me. Never having been to Seattle, I can only imagine the energy and opportunities that the city will bring. My love of numbers, of cultures and people, caters to my love of learning, and with the study abroad opportunities and diversity on campus, Seattle University offers an unparalleled study experience, which will enable me to further my knowledge in both business and the world around me.
hahaha, it sounds like you're quoting mean girl in the first few sentences. i love it!
Not only will I be given the opportunity to study finance in a nationally recognized business school, but do so with students from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds as well. "Not only would I be able to study finance in a nationally recognized business school, but I'd also be able to do so with students from different cultural and ethnic backgrounds as well."
Just as Elif Shafak said, "If you want to destroy something in this life, be it an acne, blemish, a human soul, surround it with thick walls, and it will dry up inside" I think this is a good goal, but I think you should analyze it more, like "being closed off from the world will deprive me of knowledge" or something.
As a soon to be high school graduate, I've outgrown this island and am in need of a different, more fast paced lifestyle.
Never having been to Seattle, I can only imagine the energy and opportunities that the city will bring. Although this may be true, I'm not sure if you should tell them this. They may question how much you will like it if you've never visited.
Other than that, I can't find anything wrong with it. It's very good for something you "pulled...out of your butt".
Hi Angelina,
This is a good and precise essay. I would recommend you to elaborate on your background...why you were on the move constantly, numbers(grades) were unchanging throughout ..love working with numbers and have come to appreciate the diversity in this world.
Rephrasing - "While growing up, I was constantly on the move, whether it was to a new school, new neighbourhood or even to a different country with changes in languages and culture being inevitable. (A line about why you constantly travelled - is it beacuse of the nature of your Dad's work?)
However, grades were unchanging throughout.
Talk about how you made friends from different ethinicities...how you were raised by your parents to be a devout christian and how much you appreciate it...one of the reasons you particularly like Seattle's university with strong Jesuits tradition...
Also make a connection of where and when did you fall in love with finance and economics and decided to pursue it.
@Ina when I say numbers I'm referring to numbers! lol, sorry for the confusion. I realized you might have understood as as grade level or gpa? If that's the case then should I rephrase it?
Overall, thanks for the help and corrections :)
I think you should delete the middle part when you speak about religion because probably the christian values of the past doesn t exist anymore today and probably the person who will read your statement will be atheist, founding your religious motivation negligible.
However Seattle university does have a strong Jesuit tradition...and they do mention some sort of "Jesuit mission" on their website. Regardless of the beliefs of the person who reads my statement, I feel this is still a good point to include. But I get where you're coming from, and instead of deleting it I'll simply take a different approach. Thanks!
