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...I would continue leading my Science Club - one of the activities



Kami890 1 / -  
Jan 24, 2015   #1
One of UMich's prompts:
If you could only do one of the activities you have listed in the Activities section of your Common Application, which one would you keep doing? Why? (Required for all applicants. Approximately 100 words)

My first draft:
If I could choose only one activity, I would continue leading my Science Club. As a member, I remember how it inspired me to participate in the Synopsys Science Fair for the first time. Now, in charge of the middle- and high-school Club, it's my responsibility to motivate students of all backgrounds to continue their pursuit of STEM. Although my middle-schoolers have less education than me, their unbounded imagination are still able to astound me. My interaction with them has taught me to never dismiss ideas, however obscure or abstract they are. Who knows--the next Einstein might be a member right now.

Thanks!

vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 24, 2015   #2
Work more on the inspiration angle of your statement. Explain how the program inspired you to pursue STEM to a higher level and why you feel a sense of responsibility towards the newer members. There is no need to explain that the new members have less education that you. The members of the group are not important. All that you need to let the reader know, is why you would want to continue this activity and how you hope that by continuing to pursue it in college, you will be able to gain greater inspiration for yourself in your field of study. The inclusion of the information about your middle schoolers does not really help the essay in any way and only takes valuable word count from the actual development of your reasons for wishing to pursue this activity. Make it clear that there are continuing benefits to your participation in this club that you do not wish to miss out on. If that includes finding the next Einstien or inspiring others then let that thought be the last 2 sentences of your statement. It will have the most impact and will not affect the development of your statement if placed at the very end.


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