'Contributing more to the society' - common app essay on an extracurricular

Nights without sleep, days filled with stress, and anxiety while picking up a scalpel knowing that a life rests in your hands. That was an average day for my Grandpa while working in the hospital. Even though it caused an unstable relationship within my family since he was always preoccupied we knew that he was sacrificing part of his sanity in order to keep other people's lives normal. Being raised by this mindset I knew I didn't want to be an average 9-5 worker and that I wanted to contribute more to society. So I decided that in the summer of junior year I would go shadow my grandpa and uncle at their hospital to further ascertain the true values of being a doctor. Immediately I was sighted with people anxiously waiting and crying over loved ones struggling for their lives. At that point I realized a doctor's responsibility was not only to save a single lives but save families as well. During my experience at the hospital I was able to take on the role of talking to patients and calming them down while taking notes about what they had been experiencing. My experience volunteering helped set the basis on which I will further my career path.

good essay! My only critique is that maybe you should focus more on your volunteer experience rahter than your gradfather,to give more insight on your personality.

Goodluck,and check out mines if you can=]

My feedback:
+Good essay, however..
-Please look at what I wrote above
-Yusra is right. It seems like almost a third of your essay is about your grandpa. Although it is good to let the reader know that your grandpa was a large influence in your life, you should focus more on yourself.

Good luck!

Please take a look at my essay as well :)