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"Most conversations with my classmates" - Umich short answer



shirleytse 5 / 17  
Sep 19, 2009   #1
[A] "We know that diversity makes us a better university - better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)
Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment
on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

"What did you get on your test?"
"A 90, what did you get?
"Oh, that's great. I got a 95."
This was how most conversations went with my classmates. Coming from China, my parents strongly believed the key to success was to get high grades in school. And for many years, I shared their belief. Holding onto this principle, I breezed through elementary and junior high school, receiving honor rolls and academic achievement awards. Although I made friends with those less academically successful than me to boost my confidence, I looked down on them. Entering high school, however, I was in for a rude awakening. As usual, I was among the top students in almost all of my classes. This was true up until junior year. During junior year, I was placed in a Spanish class with a challenging teacher. Arrogantly, I assumed I would breeze through this course much as I had in other courses throughout the years. Boy was I wrong! I struggled in class, and struggled even more to keep my grades up. I knew I needed a tutor, but being my haughty self, I could not bring myself to admit. However, after receiving my first 70, I knew I needed help. Grudgingly, I asked one of my classmates to tutor me. With her help, my grades began to improve. In return, I tutored her in math. Although it was hard lesson, I learned that even though I excelled in certain areas, there were others who were just as smart as or even smarter than me. I accepted the fact that no one, not even me, knew everything. However, I also learned that while I was nowhere near a genius, I am capable of making important contributions as others have. While growing, in more ways than one, I would also be able to share my experience with others so that they may also grow as I have.

SeeHerFly 1 / 11  
Sep 19, 2009   #2
I like the story and the tone...but I'm not sure how effectively this essay answers the prompt,especially the second part. you might want to spend less time writing about your history of stellar performance and more time discussing the mutual benefits of intellectual reciprocity. you should also revise the end of the essay, using stronger word choices and phrases to describe what you have gained from the experience. and the last sentence just screams cliche.

there are also several grammatical mistakes -- be wary of incorrect usage of "me" and "I"
EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Sep 19, 2009   #3
"I could not bring myself to admit this "

"I learned that even though I excelled in certain areas, there were others who were just as smart as or even smarter than me. I accepted the fact that no one, not even me, knew everything." "others" seems to refer back to areas, which throws the sentence off.

And yes, you need to dedicate a bit more time to discussing the second half of the prompt at the end of your essay.


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