"Core values" - FSU essay. good? bad?

Core values have been and important teaching and learning experiences in my life. Every person has different morals or standards in which they live their life. These morals reflect one's character and their views for the rest of his/her life. The latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" represent three values that I hold a standard to in my life.

Vires, defined as three varieties of strength, has been molded into my life since infancy. Moral strength is not something one just obtains. It takes time and personal experiences to truly understand what is right and wrong. Being blessed to have the life I have, I've experienced things that many other students have not, such as traveling to Asia and helping refugees after Hurricane Katrina. Physical and intellectual strength are important aspects in my life. Captaining both basketball and cross country teams, I have plenty of athletic experience. Not only do both teams excel competitively; I have traveled into the regional playoffs in both sports and to state for cross country multiple times, so I know how to deal with pressure physically. Doing all this, while maintaining a 3.75 un-weighted GPA shows my intellectual strength.

Artes; To show the beauty in a particular skill. Film and music collection have been two hobbies that I have most passion for. Living on the beach, I get to experience an entire different lifestyle. Filming and documenting these experiences is something I truly love to do. My older brother and I have created about five short films capturing the beach way-of-life. I don't think anyone could ever love music too much. Two genres that I particularly adore are hip-hop and rock. I find myself obsessing over finding the latest songs and upcoming artists before the rest of the population.

Many of the core values that I reflect upon are personified in the three Latin words of FSU guiding philosophy, "Vires, Artes, Mores."

Assuming that this is a college essay what is the prompt?

Core values have been and important teaching and learning experiences in my life.This sentence has grammer errors.Every person has different morals or standards in which they live their life.UnnecessaryThese morals reflect one's character and their views for the rest of his/her life.Why not just say that they effect your character and your life.The latin words "Vires, Artes, Mores" represent three values that I hold a standard to in my life.Hold a standard to? Awkward.

Vires, defined as three varieties of strength, has been molded into my life since infancy.Since infancy? How so?Moral strength is not something one just obtains. It takes time and personal experiences to truly understand what is right and wrong.Unnecessary I think.Being blessed to have the life I have,I've experienced things that many other students have not,such as traveling to Asia and helping refugees after Hurricane Katrina.Show it if this is your example. Physical and intellectual strength are important aspects in my life. Captaining both basketball and cross country teams, I have plenty of athletic experience. Not only do both teams excel competitively; I have traveled into the regional playoffs in both sports and to state for cross country multiple times, so I know how to deal with pressure physically.This sentence is confusing Doing all this, while maintaining a 3.75 un-weighted GPA shows my intellectual strength. Don't say that.

Artes; To show the beauty in a particular skill.What? Film and music collection have been two hobbies that I have most passion for. Living on the beach, I get to experience an entire different lifestyle.Random much?Filming and documenting these experiences is something I truly love to do.Combine this sentence with your previous sentence.My older brother and I have created about five short films capturing the beach way-of-life. I don't think anyone could ever love music too much.Random again? Two genres that I particularly adore are hip-hop and rock. I find myself obsessing over finding the latest songs and upcoming artists before the rest of the population.So?

Many of the core values that I reflect upon are personified in the three Latin words of FSU guiding philosophy, "Vires, Artes, Mores."Please do not use this conclusion

I really can't say a lot because I do not know the prompt but your writing needs improvement. Organize your ideas. Use one example each for vires, artes and mores maybe? I don't think that your essay is deep enough.

Good luck.

PS. I think this is your prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

If you cannot write about many values just pick one or two.

Ha-ha, we all know the prompt. How many "Vires, Artes, Mores" essays have we seen in the past month? Dozens?

This essay is very slight. Cut out the parts that recap the prompt and there's very little there at all. You might want to search for "Vires" on this site to give you a sense of what kinds of things other students are writing on this one. You need a lot more detail, a stronger introduction, and a strong conclusion if you hope to compete.

I am applying to FSU and also have to write the same essay!

I think you're on the right track with ideas for each of the values. Are you going to write about Mores? The paragraph regarding Artes is good, however a little all over the place. I think you should bullet point all the ideas and combine them with a little more structure and organization. You want to make sure you have all your ideas and then carefully put sentences together so it all makes sense as a whole, not just in parts.

- like the comment said above, you should reach deeper into the meaning.

- Instead of saying "different lifestyle" when describing living on the beach, say something along the lines of " a particular lifestyle".