Please help me fix my essay. Thanks in advance.
How does the major you would like to study in the College of Architecture, Art, and Planning match your intellectual, academic, and career interests? Discuss any activities you have engaged in that are relevant to your chosen major.
(500 words max.)
In wonder I stared at the colossal edifice of Badshahi Mosque in Lahore. Delicate yet daunting, this building was one of the last few remnants of the splendor of the Mughal period. The distinct Mughal and Colonial style-once extremely cherished-have now been forgotten. These structures have seen more than any of us: celebrations, anarchies, floods, everything. Pakistani architecture is in shambles and in dire need of renovation. No attention is given to fire exits, drainage, or access for disabled in public buildings. As an artist and an admirer of dynamic structures, I cannot be a silent witness to this decline.
I was determined to set foot in the field of architecture.
Interning this summer at two renowned architects' firms (Mr. Rizwan Sadiq and Mr. Shahid Abdullah's) was an exhilarating experience from which I absorbed a lot of technical knowledge. It was then when I was introduced to great works of Frank Lloyd Wright, Andrea Palladio and Charles Garnier. I learnt to read the scale, and understood what elevations were. Besides conjectural assignments, my boss handed me real designing projects as well; including courtyards, gardens, and water features. They also asked me to give on-site presentations. It let me preview the professionalism in architecture which I will have to adhere to.
My A level subjects taught me the basics of architecture and fortified my passion to pursue it as a career. Through Physics and Math I learnt the mechanics behind holding a building erect; and History made me aware of how invasions influence design. Art & Design not only taught me the importance of lines and perspectives, but also demanded an enormous amount of time and dedication which I was prepared to give. Quarantining myself in my room, I would sit for hours at stretch and paint; stopping only when gratified with what I had done.
This dedication wasn't just limited to the classroom. For over six years, I have been painting mammoth backdrops for the annual school play which taught me the importance of teamwork and deadlines. Instead of cracking under pressure I vowed to leave the spectators in awe. It still amazes me; how a small sketch on paper can be transformed into a meticulous massive work of art.
At the College of AAP, I would nurture my creative art skills and broaden my imagination. Interaction with students of different nationalities will be an integral part of learning for me, as every student -like myself- would raise architectural issues unique to their country.
Having a fascination for different cultures and architectural styles, I would travel the world, sit down with the buildings and have long silent conversations; be it the Bird's Nest or Notre Dame. Eventually after gaining sufficient education and experience I would establish my firm, and use that platform to mould the future of architecture. In essence, I would create public art installments which make passersby stop in regard.
However, I want to create functional works of art: art which doesn't take space, but rather, makes space.
Iqbal Hasan.
-Its currently 6 words overlimit. Need help cutting it down.
-Also, am i answering the question? Should i have made it more specific to them by mentioning Cornell, or School of AAP?
-First para. "..floods, everything. Pakistani archi..." seems disjointed. Should i break it in two?
-I have this pet project in my mind which i would like to work on once i establish myself. Building nightshelters for the almost 250,000 homeless people of Karachi. If i can get help cutting the essay down, i could perhaps add this in a sentence or two. ie If you think i should add it.
Thanks once again.
How does the major you would like to study in the College of Architecture, Art, and Planning match your intellectual, academic, and career interests? Discuss any activities you have engaged in that are relevant to your chosen major.
(500 words max.)
In wonder I stared at the colossal edifice of Badshahi Mosque in Lahore. Delicate yet daunting, this building was one of the last few remnants of the splendor of the Mughal period. The distinct Mughal and Colonial style-once extremely cherished-have now been forgotten. These structures have seen more than any of us: celebrations, anarchies, floods, everything. Pakistani architecture is in shambles and in dire need of renovation. No attention is given to fire exits, drainage, or access for disabled in public buildings. As an artist and an admirer of dynamic structures, I cannot be a silent witness to this decline.
I was determined to set foot in the field of architecture.
Interning this summer at two renowned architects' firms (Mr. Rizwan Sadiq and Mr. Shahid Abdullah's) was an exhilarating experience from which I absorbed a lot of technical knowledge. It was then when I was introduced to great works of Frank Lloyd Wright, Andrea Palladio and Charles Garnier. I learnt to read the scale, and understood what elevations were. Besides conjectural assignments, my boss handed me real designing projects as well; including courtyards, gardens, and water features. They also asked me to give on-site presentations. It let me preview the professionalism in architecture which I will have to adhere to.
My A level subjects taught me the basics of architecture and fortified my passion to pursue it as a career. Through Physics and Math I learnt the mechanics behind holding a building erect; and History made me aware of how invasions influence design. Art & Design not only taught me the importance of lines and perspectives, but also demanded an enormous amount of time and dedication which I was prepared to give. Quarantining myself in my room, I would sit for hours at stretch and paint; stopping only when gratified with what I had done.
This dedication wasn't just limited to the classroom. For over six years, I have been painting mammoth backdrops for the annual school play which taught me the importance of teamwork and deadlines. Instead of cracking under pressure I vowed to leave the spectators in awe. It still amazes me; how a small sketch on paper can be transformed into a meticulous massive work of art.
At the College of AAP, I would nurture my creative art skills and broaden my imagination. Interaction with students of different nationalities will be an integral part of learning for me, as every student -like myself- would raise architectural issues unique to their country.
Having a fascination for different cultures and architectural styles, I would travel the world, sit down with the buildings and have long silent conversations; be it the Bird's Nest or Notre Dame. Eventually after gaining sufficient education and experience I would establish my firm, and use that platform to mould the future of architecture. In essence, I would create public art installments which make passersby stop in regard.
However, I want to create functional works of art: art which doesn't take space, but rather, makes space.
Iqbal Hasan.
-Its currently 6 words overlimit. Need help cutting it down.
-Also, am i answering the question? Should i have made it more specific to them by mentioning Cornell, or School of AAP?
-First para. "..floods, everything. Pakistani archi..." seems disjointed. Should i break it in two?
-I have this pet project in my mind which i would like to work on once i establish myself. Building nightshelters for the almost 250,000 homeless people of Karachi. If i can get help cutting the essay down, i could perhaps add this in a sentence or two. ie If you think i should add it.
Thanks once again.
