Cornell's CAS Supplement - your current intellectual interests

Hey guys! Below is my response to Cornell's prompt:
Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

It is 647 words long, and due in less than 10 hours. I would really love your comments, and as promised, will critiqued yours almost immediately!

Response:

"They said this money serves God's purpose, now they act like it belongs to them", said my grandfather with contempt, after resigning from his various posts with the Swadhyay Parivar. This intrigued me, and on further research I learnt that over the years that organization had been involved in many fraudulent business practices, and with a membership of over five million, had come to very closely resemble a cult.

Thus began my fascination with social psychology - what drives people's behaviors, what are our motivations, what we think affects us versus hidden stimuli. The internet proved to be a great mentor - from the brilliant psychology blog 'The Situationist', I learnt how the widely accepted beliefs on human thinking and behavior are seriously questionable; from 'Psyblog', I learnt about cognitive biases and how they lead us to making irrational decisions, whereas 'The Last Psychiatrist' provided incisive insight into the mind of a practicing psychiatrist. Soon I became the fourteen year old trying to convince her friends why hate could not be a sustainable source of energy for the 'Sith' (from the Star Wars universe) because it is not a natural emotion, but a function of stimuli from abhorrent sources. Multiple re-runs of 'Lie To Me' and books like 'What Every Body is Saying' by Joe Navarro even convinced me that I had become a walking lie detector with an uncanny ability to decode even the slightest tics!

My second enduring passion is computer science, and particularly coding. Few things get me more excited than reading about how some 14-year old has successfully defaced the website of a major corporation, or how some 22-year old has made his fortune with a website startup. I have taken all the computer science courses offered by my schools, and many weekends find me sitting rapt in front of the computer, wracking my brains over some problem from 'ProjectEuler', or furiously trying to optimize my code for 'Codechef'.

Since my education system does not provide much latitude with respect to these interests, I have endeavored to continue my journey of self-improvement by taking online courses, such as 'Introduction to Programming in Java' and 'Introduction to Algorithms' (MIT OCW). I am currently reading 'An Introduction to Developmental Psychology' by Alan Slater, and make it a point to discuss the concepts I learn with my therapist. In this regard, the College of Arts and Sciences offers unparalleled opportunities - the space to explore the relationship between people's emotions and judgments with Dr. David Pizarro at the Cornell Center for Behavioral Economics and Decision Research (BEDR), with the time to participate in research with the Knowledge Representation and Reasoning group at the Department of Computer Science. If admitted, I would pursue double majors in Computer Science (focusing on Artificial Intelligence) and Psychology (concentrating in Social and Personality Psychology), with a minor in Cognitive Science. Computer Science's emphasis on algorithmic approach along with psychology's focus on critical thinking provide fertile ground to probe the many questions I have, such as "Can cognition be parameterized?", and "Can findings from machine learning further our understanding of social psychology?".

I am also interested in embarking on a cooperative work-study program in computer science, because of the unique opportunity to immerse oneself in an intensive environment with professionals. Having taught myself five computer languages, I am eager to test my mettle, as well as bring the skills I learn at the workplace back to the laboratory.

Overall, Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences is an institution where I can flourish with students who are equally passionate about making a difference in people's lives. If I can understand what drives people into joining cults, what makes them believe so firmly in an ideology that they do not think twice before taking their own lives, and if I can make even one person see reason, I would be the happiest person in the world.

Hello Shlok Gilda- Please keep in mind that colleges often check application essays for plagiarism. After passing your essay through a plagiarism checking tool, it is quite clear you have lifted some of the paragraphs from another essay on this forum (I cannot post the link due to "Spam" restrictions). I suggest you REMOVE these sections COMPLETELY . Cornell will REJECT your application immediately if they come to realize that you have COPIED somebody else's work.

Regards,
EssayAdvice

Thanks for your reply.
Yes, I have taken the last two paras from another essay in the forum. Though I wouldn't say 'lifted'. But thanks anyways, I will modify them.

I was done in 500 words and couldn't think of anything more to add (I know that doesn't justify it, just saying).
Besides the last two paragraphs, how would you rate the rest of the essay?

Thanks a bunch!

7/10.

Some small pointers:
-"how some 14-year old has successfully defaced the website of a major corporation" - Will not be looked upon favorably by Adcoms- use something else to show your passion. Your passion for Comp sci does not come out strongly.

-You haven't mentioned enough about WHY Cornell's CAS is the right place for you. Mention specifics of the College. Needs some serious work.

Regards,
EssayAdvice

URGENT - this is due in a few hours. Could someone please have a look?

Hey Liang! Thank you for your suggestions. I have made some major changes in the essay and am posting the updated version below (and no, you aren't late. I will be submitting this much later now):

"They said this money serves God's purpose, but now they act like it belongs to them", said my grandfather with contempt, after

resigning from his various posts with the Swadhyay Parivar. This intrigued me, and on further research I learnt that over the years
that organization had been involved in many fraudulent business practices, and with a membership of over five million, had come to
very closely resemble a cult. Thus began my fascination with social psychology - understanding what drives people's behaviors and
why we behave the way we do.

The internet proved to be a great mentor - from the brilliant psychology blog 'The Situationist', I learnt how the widely accepted
beliefs on human thinking and behavior are questionable; from 'Psyblog', I learnt about cognitive biases and how they lead us to
making irrational decisions, whereas 'The Last Psychiatrist' provided incisive insight into the mind of a practicing psychiatrist. Soon I
became the fourteen year old trying to convince his friends why hate could not be a sustainable source of energy for the 'Sith' (from
the Star Wars universe) because it is not a natural emotion, but dependent on stimuli from abhorrent sources. Multiple re-runs of 'Lie
to Me' even convinced me that I had become a walking lie-detector with an uncanny ability to decode the slightest tics!
This early interest has now grown more academic, and has combined with another passion, computer science. I discovered
'ProjectEuler' in tenth standard, and since then my mania for efficiency has only grown. I vividly remember one particularly
challenging problem - finding the last ten digits of the non-Mersenne prime 28433×2^(7830457)+1. It consumed me completely for
two whole days, but I was finally able to bring down the run-time of my code from three minutes to less than a second. That sense of

adventure in exploring the many intricacies of a tough algorithm, the freedom for creative openness, provided a most exhilarating
high. I knew I was hooked.

Since my education system does not provide much latitude for these interests, I have endeavored to continue my journey by taking
online courses and discussing my ideas on online forums. I am currently reading 'An Introduction to Developmental Psychology' by
Alan Slater, and make it a point to discuss the concepts I learn with my therapist. In this direction, the College of Arts and Sciences

offers unparalleled opportunities - the space to explore the influence of people's emotions with Dr. David Pizarro at the Center for
Behavioral Economics and Decision Research, with the time to participate in cutting-edge research with the Knowledge
Representation and Reasoning group at the Department of Computer Science. If admitted, I would pursue double majors in
Computer Science (focusing on Artificial Intelligence) and Psychology (concentrating in Social and Personality Psychology), with a
minor in Cognitive Science. I am particularly interested in 'Reasoning About Knowledge (CS 6764)' and 'Reasoning About
Uncertainty (CS 6766)' since they provide a solid foundation to understand group dynamics. I can almost see myself working with
Dr. Arpita Ghosh, trying to decipher how the crowd forms decisions and what implications this has in the marketplace. In fact,
Computer Science's emphasis on algorithmic approach along with psychology's focus on critical thinking provide fertile ground to
probe the many questions I have, such as "Can cognition be parameterized?", and "Can findings from machine learning further our
understanding of social psychology?".

My experience with programming has taught me never to settle for the second-best solution. Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences
would provide the most efficient route to explore unopened frontiers at the critical juncture of psychology and computation. If I can
use my research to understand what makes people believe so firmly in an ideology that they do not think twice before taking their
own lives, and if I can make even one person see reason, I honestly believe my purpose in life would have been served.

The beginning of you essay is quite strong. That being said your paragraphs need to flow from one another more gently. There are some abrupt changes from paragraph to paragraph. You ending could also be less abrupt.

But, overall the essay is good. It conveys your passion for computer science as well as for psychology.

Thanks! I'll try and incorporate your suggestions.
I will review your essay in a little bit; just pulled an all-nighter and I don't think I can do justice to it right now.