Cornell engineering essay - my contributions to the engineering field

Cornell Engineering Celebrates Innovative Problem Solving That Helps People, Communities...The World. Consider Your Ideas And Aspirations And Describe How A Cornell Engineering Education Would Allow You To Leverage Technological Problem-Solving To Improve The World We Live In. (650 word limit)

My prospective contributions to the engineering field

My big desire for becoming an engineer relies on my love for Mathematics and passion to use the knowledge within my reach to help other people. Since I was little I was interested in becoming an engineer; I know that most kids, including myself at that short age, have a misunderstood perspective of what an engineering work is. Perhaps it's because of television and movies, but at least I already had the sparkle inside me.

As I grew up my outlook became clearer. One time a NASA engineer originally from my city gave a conference in my school. When it finished I approached him and had the opportunity to hear his work experiences in Houston. That was the day when I fell in love with Mechanical Engineering and tried to do my own part for the science community. For example, I started a project with my classmates and professors to build a Science Lab in the school, and I currently boost the learning of science by inviting and teaching kids for the mathematical Olympiad in my state. The mathematical competitions also gave me a wonderful experience at a NASA facility. There was a contest in Antofagasta, Chile and I had the opportunity to meet the world's biggest astronomic observatory and also a project of the NASA called ARADS dedicated to make experiments in the Atacama Desert as it has similitudes with Mars environment. I even had the opportunity to drive a Mars rover replicate. The deep involvement I've had on engineering affairs makes me want to pursue this career and I'd love to do it at Cornell.

I can't remember the first time I heard about Cornell University, as an Ivy College, Cornell it's mentioned everywhere. But I do remember the first time I googled "Cornell" and I immersed myself in your website. So much was my fascination that I think I could have googled all my interests and cornell.edu would be the first result. As I've seen on videos about your University, your community is very diverse and you receive international students with a big open door. Besides, it means a lot to me that Cornell covers full financial need for foreign applicants.

What most hooked me about Cornell was all the Project Teams I can join during my career. I find very exciting that in your Undergraduate Program one can study and experience hands-on approaches related to their field of study. I saw myself particularly interested with the CRT and EWB. The first one would allow me to keep participating in Competitions that include studying the things I love. I'd be more than thrilled to gain accomplishments on the name of Cornell with CRT like their last designation as the Centennial Challenge Champion. Moreover, their participation in the NASA Student Launch gives a close experience with rocket construction and I look forward to develop rockets at your school and then in the NASA. The second team project would give me unique experiences around the world; the opportunity to use my problem-solving skills while drawing smiles in other people's faces is fabulous. As its webpage says they're looking for future projects, I hope I can join them and suggest a new project for a water supply system in a deserted city at the north of Chile. These two Projects and all the others share a wide variety of people origins and major interests that I feel that I could join all of them and enrich their atmosphere.

After leaving Cornell, I'd like to work on Aerospace projects and enhance the exploration of Space. Maybe my contributions in the engineering field are not as impressive as the contributions of Cornell projects are, but I've tried to do the best at my availability and I know that an education in the Sibley School of MAE can help me to step-up my abilities and their use for an enhancement of the community. (649 words)

I know the prompt of this essay asks about how cornell education would allow to improve the world, which I most approach on the last two paragraphs, but I read that this essay could stand out if I also talk a little about how my interest and cornell make a perfect match, and talk about what they offer. that's why I have the doubt if my third essay really helps or not and if maybe I overtalk in my second paragraph about my interests and experiences.

Please feel free to criticize evrything on my essay, also my diction in english it's not very good so I would appreciate any writing advices

If you bring up the discussion of your fourth paragraph to the opening paragraph, you will be able to leverage the rest of the information to support that claim of how you want to help develop technology that can help mankind in the future. You can format the essay to open with paragraph 4, support it with paragraph 3 or, you can create a totally new opening statement that talks about your NASA experience. That can lead you into a discussion represented by paragraph 4 and then closed with the statement from paragraph 3.

I don't really see you as needing more than just 3 paragraphs to present a justified discussion in this essay. Those 3 paragraphs, when arranged in a proper manner, shows that your response is clear, concise, logical, and interesting enough to hold the reviewer's interest for an appropriate amount of time which can lead him to better consider your response in terms of your overall application.

@Holt
I really appreciate your help, I think I will use your second suggestion to create a new opening pargraph about NASA, maybe use some information of my pargrapgh two for this. I think that the third and fifth paragraphs can be joined in one paragraph and I could put it at the end of the essay. Besides this reorganization and the transition adjustments my essay need, do you think that the information I provide really responds the prompt and make a good essay?

Yes, I really believe that only some slight adjustments and developments are necessary to make the essay more interesting and prompt relevant. The essay has some very strong points to present. It just needs to be done in a better manner in order to gain you more chances of strengthening the essay so that the reviewer will be more interested in what you have to say. I am actually looking forward to reading your revision because I know that it will be ready to use upon the application of my suggestions. I hope that you can revise it soon and post it here for final review. You don't have to add anything more to the essay. It is going to be more than qualified as a prompt response once you have applied the suggestions I made above.