Cornell UG Mech Eng - "what is your eng idea and how can Cornell help you?"

I'm not finished with this but I would like some feedback anyway. Am I going in the right direction?

I've noticed that a lot of other essays begin with people saying how they tinkered with toys and thats how they became interested in engineering, blah blah blah. I've purposely avoided that but do I need to establish more personal context or is the essay fine the way it is?

I plan to dedicate the last 200 words or so to explaining why I believe Cornell can help me with my idea. Does anybody have any tips or suggestions?

Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest. (Maximum of 500 words)

Energy crises all over the world have led mankind to fight an uphill battle to solve our energy problems as Mother Nature's resources are being depleted at an ever-increasing rate. The recent push for green energy has left scientists scrambling to develop new technologies and dabbling with highly dangerous substances such as uranium. I believe the uncertainty associated with such endeavors and the potential for disaster is too much of a gamble. Moreover, many nations are still reeling from the recent economic downturn and the livelihoods of billions of people hang in the balance.

Worldwide, the transportation sector is responsible for the consumption of a vast amount of energy with close to a billion cars having a meager ~20% fuel efficiency. Several alternative fuel vehicles have been produced to reduce our carbon footprints and conserve the precious fossil fuel deposits we have remaining. Hybrid electric cars and biodiesel cars are two such innovations, however neither of these vehicles have really hit home with consumers. This is due to a whole host of problems, which may take years to resolve... years that we cannot afford to waste.

My engineering idea deals with the issue of low fuel efficiency in today's gasoline-powered vehicles. We have yet to tap into the energy gasoline can provide us due to limitations in the design of the internal combustion engine. The heavy energy losses in the form of heat and sound need to be minimized. More energy should be used to rotate the wheels of our cars instead of contributing to noise pollution and the onset of a global environmental meltdown. I would like to explore the design of the modern IC engine, try to overcome some of its limitations and ultimately increase its efficiency. The end product must also remain viable for the average consumer; I believe this will be the biggest challenge as the technologies involved need to be scalable.

Word count: 316

Thanks,
Shravan

My idea was to provide a solution to our energy needs by improving our usage of gasoline. I plan to do this by increasing the efficiency of the internal combustion engine instead of trying to design alternative fuel vehicles. Is this too unoriginal?

OH okay, well you didn't mention that in your essay! I think that's fine, but you should really focus on your idea more than the facts about the energy crisis. And don't forget to include why Cornell. Put up a new draft and i'll be happy to look over it

Actually I talked about my idea in the last paragraph

"I would like to explore the design of the modern IC engine, try to overcome some of its limitations and ultimately increase its efficiency. The end product must also remain viable for the average consumer; I believe this will be the biggest challenge as the technologies involved need to be scalable."

Is it too unclear?

I haven't finished with the essay, I still have 200 words to write about how Cornell can help me.

Yes, it is unclear. And remember, the adcoms don't know words such as IC engine. What I think cornell wanted to hear was how you came up with the idea, and what you did to create it. This last part is what i failed to see in your essay.

You should expand upon the ideas you mentioned in the last paragraph. Why Cornell should take up roughly 1/3 to 1/2 of your essay, not just one little paragraph at the end. So definitely be specific on why you think Cornell can help you contribute to your goal and how you can benefit the community in return. Good luck.

Thanks iceui2, I will add more about Cornell.

Any more comments?