Hi, I know I just registered today but I really do need help on the essay portion for my supplemental. Thank you in advance. The max amount of words are 200. I currently have 163
I believe that in order to be called a leader you must have the ability to influence others to achieve a certain goal. However, true leaders are not born with this ability but rather earned. Leaders can only accomplish this by applying their own leadership attributes, for example their ideas, ethics, morals, expertise, values, personality and knowledge. An effective leader is one that can gain respect from others by being confident and having good charisma. Being the manager of my school store allowed me to gain leadership skills, teamwork skills and communication skills. Teamwork is a must because the store is split into groups. I acquired my teamwork skills by having to work together with the finance group, inventory group and clothing group. I believe setting a good example and being confident in what I do will allow me to gain much needed respect from my students. I set rules to allow others to know that I am in charge. In my past few months as manager I have been able to influence students to help me on a big promotion. The promotion came up with stellar results and to this day it's still in session.
i can not say more than good praragraph but you have to reach your 200 words by including some example. you have also to organise your ideas, you have montioned a lot of things with a few details.
What kind of details am I missing? Examples would be great thank you in advance
However, true leaders are not born with this ability, but instead have to earn it.
I would use a dash in this sentence:
Leaders can only accomplish this by applying their own leadership attributes -- for example their ideas, ethics, morals, expertise, values, personality and knowledge.
You should use 2 paragraphs for this material. Start another paragraph here:
Being the manager of my school ...
This is kind of abrupt as an ending:
In my past few months as manager I have been able to influence students to help me on a big promotion. The promotion came up with stellar results and to this day it's still in session. (how about adding one more sentence at the end to reflect on what it all means).
:-)
Thank you so much Kevin and I have corrected my paragraphs however, I surpassed the 200 words limit with 210. Do you know of something that I can cut off so it doesn't surpass the 200 words limit?
"What makes a good leader" UBC Business Supplemental
This is my full supplemental with all 3 questions. Any help on them would be very nice. Thank you all in advance.
Describe what leadership means to you. What qualities do you have that make you a leader? (200 words max)
READ ABOVE
Describe and evaluate one experience, during the last four years, that has significantly influenced your academic goals. (200 words max)
My dad and I were watching an episode of how successful entrepreneurs live their daily life and how they contributed to the world. I was very impressed at how much leadership they possessed to create an internationally known business. Bill Gates has been my idol ever since because he's the most successful businessman in the world and also donates to his own private foundation to enhance health care and reduce poverty globally. After watching I have been dreaming that I will one day become a successful entrepreneur, and at the same time create my own foundation to help the world and the less fortunate. I donated to the Starlight Foundation of Canada for the terminally ill and never felt better because I know that I had made a child's day. I believe business would be right for me because I enjoy having a leadership role. Being the manager of my school store taught me that being a leader means I'll need to make some hard decisions. One time I had to decide whether to do the promotion before the Christmas break or after. I decided to do it after the break and I think it was the right choice.
Please include any additional information about yourself that you would like the Admissions Committee to consider when reviewing your application. (500 words max.)
In my high school years I have taken five business courses which gave me a lot of valuable information. I've taken an accounting course, marketing course, business computer applications course, macroeconomics course and entrepreneurship course. In those courses I have learned how to create spreadsheets, charts, balance sheets and even a business plan. I hope to make it into the Sauder School of Business and boost my business knowledge even more. After graduating from the Sauder School of Business I hope to utilize the valuable skills that I've learnt to start up my own business. I have a dream that I will one day create a business that's not only successful but will be able to contribute to countries in poverty. You can call me ambitious but I plan to open up a café and slowly expand to many destinations around the world. With the vast amount of knowledge I will have gathered I hope to turn the café into a successful café chain. When the company prospers, I hope to create my own foundation. My mission would be to create schools and provide teachers in places with poverty. I believe that education is a vital key in getting countries out of poverty. I feel confident that I have the traits, ambitions and experience to be accepted. I hope in my stay at Sauder I will be learn more about business, taught discipline and maybe even make some good business connections.
I believe that in order to be called a leader you must have the ability to influence others to achieve a certain goal.
Well, you can always chop off "I believe"... it is always a weak way to say something, always better without it.
I believe that In order to be called a leader you must have the ability to influence others to achieve a certain goal.
However, true Leaders are not born with this ability; they must earn it.
I believe Setting a good example and being confident in what I do will
allow enable me to gain much needed respect from my students.
:-)
How about the other 2 questions do you think they're fine? Especially the second question I'm scared I didn't fit the topic correctly
I have corrected the first question but if I can get some insight on the 2 other questions it'd be perfect. I'm feeling very unconfident right now. I'm relying on my supplemental to get into university. Any kind of help would be much appreciated. Sorry if I sound impatient and rude just I'm panicking a little because it's due tomorrow night.
Sorry if I sound impatient and rude just I'm panicking a little because it's due tomorrow night.
No, you don't!! And also, you should feel confident. These are impressive.
The second one definitely does answer the question by showing an experience involving a decision to pursue entrepreneurship. However, it ends abruptly on an unrelated note:
My dad and I were watching an episode of how ... ill and never felt better because I know that I had made a child's day.
Start a new paragraph here
I believe business would be right for me, because I enjoy having a leadership role. Being the manager of my school store taught me that being a leader means I'll need to make some hard decisions. One time I had to decide whether to do the promotion before the Christmas break or after. I decided to do it after the break and I think it was the right choice. (add one last sentence... a thoughtful, reflective sentence.
:-)
For the last one, they allow 500 words, so write 3-5 paragraphs. Make it a nice, well-constructed essay with a main idea expressed in the intro, a good topic sentence to start each body paragraph, and a conclusion paragraph that reflects on the implications of the theme established in the first paragraph.
Yes, I believe your last paragraph isn't as strong as well. If I were you, I would write as much as I can considering that you are given 500 words max.
first of all, get rid of that "I believe.."
Your essay is not very strong...you need to use more than colloquial words...
Would anyone know what kind of topic I should start with for the concluding paragraph? I actually have no idea what I should write about. Any examples or suggestions?
The last paragraph is an opportunity to discuss something and really be well understood. The essay has introduced a particular idea in the intro, supported the idea with examples in the body paragraphs, and now, in the conclusion, you can really make your point. It's so rare to be able to describe your thoughts about something and have people really understand what you mean...
So, use that last paragraph as a great opportunity to discuss the main idea/impression you want the reader to remember.
So here is my conclusion I actually don't think its very well done but I'm hoping someone will help me with it. The deadline is in less than 22 hours as of now. Any help would be very good. Thank you in advance
Please include any additional information about yourself that you would like the Admissions Committee to consider when reviewing your application. (500 words max.)
High school has given me a good introduction to how business works. It has given me real life experience and allowed me to set a goal for the future. Through my business courses I have been able to understand the fundamentals of business. Leadership, teamwork, communication, decision making, and being competitive are a few of the business attributes I have acquired in the duration of my high school years. Being in the Sauder School of Business will help me further expand my knowledge and enable me to reach my ambitious goals.
The courses I have taken are accounting, entrepreneurship, marketing, macroeconomics and business computer applications. Each course came with a major project. However, accounting, entrepreneurship and macroeconomics were the most significant. In accounting I had to do book keeping for a company that the teacher made up. I was given invoices from the virtual company to book keep. This was good experience because I was doing what accountants do as a daily job. Entrepreneurship gave me many of the attributes listed above. The major project was to create a business plan from scratch. It required leadership, teamwork, communication and decision making. I was the leader of my group in making the business plan. As a group we decided on making a business plan for a café company. We chose that because we knew it'd be easy to get a loan for it and it's not as complicating as other businesses out there. In macroeconomics we were taught about buying and selling securities. This led the teacher into doing an activity that involved the stock market. The class was to compete in a real-time stock exchange simulation. In one month my portfolio has grown 528%. The most memorable moment from my business courses would be competing and winning in the stock exchange game.
My dream career would be finding a financial company that is successful and widely known around the world. After graduating from the Sauder School of Business I want to pursue in accounting
as a start to gain experience. I would like to climb my way up the ladder and become the CFO of the company and then create my own financial company. I believe that this would be a wise choice because I know I will have clients and I would have the experience and connections necessary to run it. When the business is successful I plan on establishing a private foundation that will donate to the countries that can't afford education. My goal would be to create schools and hire teachers to provide education to the countries in poverty. I strongly believe that education is the key in getting countries out of poverty. My dream goal may be ambitious but I feel confident that I can make it a reality.
I feel confident that I have the traits, ambitions and experience to be accepted. I hope in my stay at Sauder I will learn more about business, taught discipline and maybe even make some good business connections.
No one has any thoughts about this paragraph? Please I only have 4.5 hours till I must hand it in
Dear trevor5249,
Hello this is homeworkhelper, and I just wanted to inform you that I came across this page as I was looking for some leadership ideas for my own supplementary application. I have just decided that I am not interested in attending UBC but I would like you too know that if I can find your page so can other people, meaning they may take or steal ideas so it felt only right to tell you.
A concerned student,
Homeworkhelper
Thank you for the concern and yes its impossible to stop anyone from copying the ideas but I do have my name on my post and the time stamp to prove that it's my original work and not theirs.