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The creation of something original, something to call your own - UF



dman0227 2 / 3  
Sep 6, 2008   #1
I just wrote it so tell me what you think and wat i should do to improve it, thank you.

The creation of something, something original, something to call your own; there is no feeling like it. Since I was a young I always had strong passion for art and the creation of something groundbreaking and imaginative. The day I knew I wanted to be an architect, oh the feeling, tingles down my spine, walking on air; I was complete. It was freshman year, the architecture teacher spoke of his class, his dry,hoarse voice echoed with wisdom of his passion which at that moment, I came to a realization that I shared, Architecture.

With each stroke, each moment of contact when my pencil touched paper in and out of architecture class I knew what I was to be. In this place of peace and serenity, not a care in the world save for freeing myself entirely. The shape and form began materializing on paper, and all that went on in my mind was anything to do with the creation of a space, of which people would be wowed. These past three years of high school, I put my self through one of the most rigorous and prestigious architecture programs in the US, at a school ranked 8th in the nation just last year. In those three years I thrived on every piece of knowledge I could get my hands on from internships with well known architects, one of which is on University Florida's board of architecture, to community service projects. My first feeling of true architectural construction was during sophomore year at a countywide sandcastle competition. I felt very small being one of four students chosen to compete against 15 of Miami's top architecture firms. Confidence guarantees success; I am filled with assurance that one day I would be what I dreamed of, an Architect who will set new standards for the world.

Such a drive I have never before known; a supreme love and passion gives me the upper hand. I want to change architecture, to bring it to new heights never seen before, to amaze the world. I have researched many colleges and found UF, a college from which most of my family has graduated, with its wonderful campus and prestigious 5-year bachelors of architecture program to be my next step in a journey to greatness. Your UF campus community will one day be able to be proud of the driven, revolutionary architect it molded and produced.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 6, 2008   #2
Good afternoon.

Here are my thoughts:

It was my freshman year. As t he architecture teacher spoke of his class, his dry, hoarse voice echoed with wisdom of his passion which at that moment (Remove comma)I realized I shared: architecture .
OP dman0227 2 / 3  
Sep 6, 2008   #3
What else do you think i should do? I changed a bunch of things in adittion to what you said....thanks Gloria
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 17, 2008   #4
During the past three years of high school (Remove comma) I put myself through one of the most rigorous and prestigious architecture programs in the United States, at a school that was ranked 8th in the nation last year. In those three years I have taken full advantage of all wonderful opportunities afforded to me, from internships with well known architects such as Willy Bermello, who is on Board of Architecture of the University of Florida, to community service projects and tutelage under some of the best architectural minds in Florida.

I want to change architecture, bring it to new never before seen heights, to amaze the world. I have researched many institutions and I was proud to see that the University of Florida, whose alumni include most of my family, is the place where I can take the next step in my journey towards achieving greatness. I will make sure that I make the University of Florida proud to be one of its sons."


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