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Creative Spoof - Madison Application Essay

cpuissant 1 / 5 2  
Aug 4, 2014   #1
Prompt: Consider something in your life that goes unnoticed, and why it's important to you. (Just a rough draft, mind you)
Essay: There are countless things in life that go unnoticed. Whether it is society's choice to turn a blind eye or just a stubborn refusal by us all to see things how they really are. If I had hours, pages, multiple cartridges of printer ink, maybe, just maybe I could somehow paint a picture with words of what the world really looks like. The bags under my eyes, the wrinkles on my forehead, and the smile creases by the corners of my eyes tell the story well enough, but I am far older mentally than I appear, or than time can measure me by.

So, without further ado, I give you oh prized reader, a glimpse into my life, my past, a sad yet hopeful memory that has stayed with me. So, let's backtrack four years, to a younger less whimsical version of myself. I remember that day, because I promised myself I would never forget. I was being rolled back from the recovery room, passing multiple children, who were screaming, crying, and staring blankly at walls. But I didn't care or mind, their voices all blended into the background, the sound that was the environment of the hospital. Everything was so far away, I was in my own little world and all that existed was my hospital bed being pushed by a nice lady in white. The last room down that bleak, white washed hospital hallway sat a boy, instead of crying or wallowing in self-pity at the lot that life had cast him, he looked out. At the nurses, at the doctors, at me. I laid there with my striped year old hospital blanket, completely unaware of my surrounding, just waking up from the anesthesia, everything bright, blurry, and new. And then in that second, the brief second it took for the nurse to push my bed past his room he looked straight at me. He had a look on his face, an empathetic look, worn only by those who have been through the same, who understood. His face twitched into a ghost of a smile, a small reassurance, and he waved. Me, so groggy, my reflexes so slow, I waved back, but it was delayed. I was already past his room and his eyesight when my hand finally listened to my brain and fluttered in the air, an insufficient wave to a desolate wall.

I'm still torn by the realization that I could not offer up to him the same comfort he gave me, but I will never forget. Life has given me a chance to put myself to the test, to face a challenge, and at the time it gave me an angel to get through it with. It is the little things, the things that influence us the most that sometimes go unnoticed to those who do not take the time to look for it. I can honestly say that my hardships in life, ones unnoticed by others, either through my own pride or the lack of their caring has made me into who I am today. I embrace my past, and aspire for an ever brighter future grateful for my shot in this world.

Jwala 3 / 8 3  
Aug 4, 2014   #2
A well written essay with lot of good vocabulary.

It took 2 times to read this essay to understand who the writer wants to thank here. Finally, it was a doctor. This essay is written in a novel style.

Mostly all the sentences are lengthy filled with adjectives. Can have few short sentences when you want to stress a point. So, it reaches the reader quickly and need not read twice.

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