Criticism welcomed. Application essay

UNCW Application Essay

PROMPT: Reflecting on your personal and educational goals, please write about how you believe UNC Wilmington will allow you to grow as a student and as a person. Please also feel free to provide any explanations about your academic history.

Have you ever tried eating soup without a spoon? Innovations aside, it's almost impossible. With that being said, it is essential that one must have the right utensils available to be successful and UNC Wilmington has all the tools and assets needed for me to do so. I have been interested in the environment and marine life from a very young age, and being able to attend UNC W would give me the opportunity to earn the credentials needed to start a career that is meaningful to me.

One of the many reasons why I am applying to UNCW is not only because of its welcoming community but more specifically its location and resources. Being a kinesthetic learner, it is imperative for me to be in an environment that would allow me to take what I am learning from a course and be able to apply it and UNCW offers resources needed to become successful in that way. I spend most of my spare time outdoors and being able to observe the Atlantic coast, Cape Fear River, and The Fort Fisher Aquarium would only supplement my studies and efforts in becoming a Marine Biologist. UNCW offers the ideal Biology program for me in that there are numerous research opportunities and a diverse set of facilities available on campus so I can continuously improve on my studies effectively.

I am eager to get involved with some of the various student organizations and internship programs UNCW offers to its students. Being able to connect with others who share the same Interests, exchange different perspectives, and expand on one another's ideas is very important to me and my personal development, as I have always been a tad shy and would like to work on my leadership skills and assertiveness. Networking and collaboration play an important role in developing new ideas and technology which is a skill that I will need to master in order to become the best Biologist I can be. Being involved with the UNCW community will help me accomplish that.

Ultimately, my goal is to be able to contribute to the U.S Conservation and Preservation efforts effectively, and perhaps discover new information along the way. Being able to call myself a Seahawk alumnus would mean that I had found a spoon for my soup.

Mranda, your essay lacks a sense of familiarity with the facilities, social activities, student community, and surrounding environment. You speak of how you learn, but not of what specific facilities UNCW offers which can help you further achieve a unique educational experience. It is less about the where but more about the how of your personal and academic development that the essay is concerned with. So, what facilities, both academic and non-academic do you hope to use to help you get over your timidity and shyness? How would you network and collaborate? Which laboratories would you frequent? What sort of after class seminars might you attend? Consider your well rounded educational experience for the essay. Would you attend the local games of the varsity teams? Would you try to participate in the sports or other related activities? If you are mostly an academic centered person, which academic clubs would you be most likely to join and why? These are the questions that the reviewer hopes you can answer so that he can get to know you better by developing an idea of the kind of interaction you might have with the UNCW community of academics and students.

I suggest that you write the essay this way:

Par. 1: Offer an insight into you academic goals and your personality. Offer a discussion into why your academic goals require you to become less timid and shy.

Par. 2: Discuss your academic development using the related guide questions I provided.
Par. 3: Discuss your extra curricular activities, again based on the guide questions.
Par. 4: Conclude by idealizing the type of person you hope to become both academically and personally with the help of the UNCW learning experience.

Remember to keep track of your word count. I am sure this has one. I am just not sure about the actual count. Don't go over, the required maximum.