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Cross country race - high hopes and no success. Common App Personal Essay



Shyboy112 1 / -  
Dec 31, 2016   #1
The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

My ambiguous experience



The last race for the cross country team was approaching. It decided whether we made to the state final or went home empty handed. However, that wasn't the case because I felt ready because all the hard work we were doing in practice was going to pay off. Until days before the race, our team started to crumble because we had half of the team injured.Therefore, we had to race individually which was baffling at the time since cross country is a team sport. Now we had to be in the top ten in order to qualify which was an arduous task. Nevertheless, it didn't stop me from having high hopes for this race but in fact, it gave me an exhilarating feeling.

Race day came with ambivalent feelings which I was contemplating about the whole day. I couldn't figure it out why the day felt unusual but I decided to drop it because it was not helping me mentally for the race. Upon arriving at the met, we did the normal routine which consisted of checking in with the officials and looking at the plethora of teams. So I got ready and started to warm up for the inevitable. I lined up on the starting line with the myriad of runners while the officials said the rules like always. They gave the counting and we were off. I was running at a speed that kept me at a good pace. However, reaching a downhill in the obstacle made me lose control and fell on my knee. Then proceeded to bleed profusely which was deleterious for my mental and physical health. Nonetheless, I stood up as fast as I could because you have to finish what you started. I started to see people pass me because of my injury. As hard as I tried making each stride count to catch up it was not enough. As I got to the finishing line I saw it was too late for me and was not going to qualify.

In retrospect, I learned that my experience had an ambiguous meaning. That life is going to be full of ups and downs. However, when you counter problem it doesn't mean that world is over but you have to continue and learn from it. For instance, I fell and continued the race although it was very difficult for me I did it. Not for a second did I ever thought of stopping because it would have meant that I gave up. Upon finishing the race I realized what the meaning of falling meant. I learned to not give up and finish strong. I will use this experience to become resilient to any problem and help in the foreseeable future.

lisa21e 1 / 7  
Jan 1, 2017   #2
hi, for the first paragraph, "However, that wasn't the case, i felt ready because all the hard work we were working.." I deleted the "because i felt ready.'' It sounds a little bit wired when you put two because in one sentence. Hope this can help you a little, good luck
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15384  
Jan 1, 2017   #3
I am not sure why you chose to title this essay "My ambiguous experience". Ambiguous means "open to more than one interpretation; having a double meaning." or "unclear or inexact because a choice between alternatives has not been made." It would seem to me that neither of these scenarios existed for you in this instance. You were never torn between two choices. You had to finish the race. If there are no choices for you in the essay, the title automatically becomes wrong and the narrative becomes incorrect. Therefore, you should either change the title of your essay or, add a conflict to the story that gives you the opportunity to choose between two possible lines of action prior to your decision to finish the race. The essay needs to fulfill all requirements of the prompt or the title that you created in order to become a relevant part of your application documents.
hermean 1 / 3  
Jan 1, 2017   #4
@Shyboy112
"Nonetheless, I stood up as fast as I could because you have to finish what you started ".

Maybe you could replace the highlighted portion with "I had to finish what I started"

And I also agree with @Holt on your use of the word "ambiguous" in your essay.


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