Evaluate a significant risk you have taken or ethical dilemma you have faced and discuss its impact on you.
Facebook Kid
Treat others the way you want to be treated this was a rule I was taught since preschool. Although I had trouble following other rules I had no trouble following this one. It made no sense for someone to be nice to me if I wasn't nice to him or her.
This belief was put into question when I was asked to do the impossible. Ever since I can remember, I have gone to summer school. Every year I went to the same school and every year the same thing happened. I would do everything and anything possible to be accepted. And every year I would leave successful only to come back to a group of people who had again rejected me.
During one of my summers, a new student arrived. My "friends" jumped at the opportunity to humiliate someone. One day at lunch, the group asked me to pull a trick on the new kid. Eager to please, I agreed. I regretted it terribly when I found out what I had to do. In order to earn their approval, I had to place a worm in the new kid's sandwich. I was horrified, and knew I had to refuse.
Knowing was one thing; acting, however, was a whole other. My selfish side argued most persuasively. If I did this, my "friends" would accept me and I would not have to beat myself up to please them. In the end, I'm ashamed to admit, I did the horrific request. The consequences were severe. The incident upset him so greatly; he went home and never came back. For years afterward my guilty conscience would irk me. I could literally say the guilt was eating me alive. I, like the new kid, transferred to another summer school where they welcomed me with open arms. After a while another student arrived; I was extremely friendly and helpful to her. I tried desperately to amend the past by making up for it now, but my efforts were futile. In my heart of hearts I knew I could never make up for what I did.
Recently, I found the new kid on Facebook. I messaged him a long apology begging for his forgiveness. His response was very surprising. I learned that he had transferred because his parents had heard of a better school and that he had forgotten the whole occurrence had ever happened until I brought it up. He said he had paid no thought to the harmless joke. At the very end of his message he told me something that would stay with me forever: "There's no use dwelling on the past because its something you can't change. Instead you should learn from it so that it won't happen again." At that moment I finally forgave myself and instantly felt much better. I also learned from this experience that nothing was worth compromising my morals and from then on I kept strongly to my principles no matter the cost.This essay is okay. It answers the prompt. How about a name instead of "the new kid"?
Although this essay answers the prompt it does so in a boring way. I think that this boring tone starts from the introduction. I'm not so crazy about your topic and the way you expand it is mediocre.
I agree with Llamapoop. The topic seems awkward and sounds infantile.
In the end, I'm ashamed to admit, I did the horrific request. The consequences were severe .
For years afterward my guilty conscience would irk me. I could literally say the guilt was eating me alive.
It just doesn't seem sincere.
May I ask which school is this essay for?
you also have some phrases that are commonly worded too:
This belief was put into question when I was asked to do the impossible.
"There's no use dwelling on the past because its something you can't change. Instead you should learn from it so that it won't happen again."
At that moment I finally forgave myself and instantly felt much better.
I also learned
its not a terrible essay, and it has potential, but you need to be more exciting in it. i am one, for example, that doesnt belief "treat others as you want to be treated"
after reading this, i still am not a believer.
you should make me a believer.
The topic seems awkward and sounds infantile.
That's the problem I have with this: You were so young when this happened. I'm guessing that the college would like to read about a more recent (and complex) dilemma or experience.
I actually sort of like the essay, with the notion that a childhood incident that haunted you was eventually revealed to have been utterly forgotten by the other person involved, who had actually transferred for completely unrelated reasons. You could probably redeem the essay as an admissions worthy one if you spent a bit longer focusing on what you learned from the main experience, which seems to be the more recent conversation with the student, rather than the initial anecdote.
However, the other posters have a point -- this essay is supposed to focus on an ethical dilemma, and the dilemma itself is a fairly simple one that you encountered when you were very young. If you revised the essay to make it a good admissions piece, you would have to shift your focus away from the opening narrative even more than you already do, and it would no longer suit for this topic. So, while you might be able to use an edited version of this essay elsewhere in one of your applications, you should probably pick a different incident to talk about for this prompt.
thanks for the criticism. I realize this wasn't as great of an essay as i thought it was, but it was a very traumatic experience and i thought i would share how it had scarred me but at the same time made me grow.
To Mei Mei: this essay is for the Macaulay program for Baruch but i can see that I'm not quite there yet.
I'm working on another essay: NO SUPPORT. NO RESPECT. NO HOMEFIELD. check it out and see if it's any better Thanks!
