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"cultural diversity" - What you find most appealing about columbia and why?


yoyo 1 / -  
Sep 9, 2010   #1
Despite having lived in New York for the majority of my life the sheer cultural diversity of Columbia University still manages to astonish me. I never thought I would ever witness so many brilliant minds from such diverse backgrounds all concentrated in one place that is the pristine foundation of Columbia. Some of my college ambitions include establishing a basis for my professional career and broadening my knowledge base, and I know that should I be granted the privilege of attending this school I would be gaining knowledge and different perspectives from some of the best minds in the world. Cultural diversity is a defining attribute of modern society and it is also what I find most appealing about Columbia University.

Can you guys please offer me some ideas or criticism I would really appreciate it.
mea505 - / 265  
Sep 9, 2010   #2
Hi Yotam,

I think that you need to build upon your essay some more.
The first sentence, "Despite having lived in New York for the majority of my life, the sheer volume of cultural diversity at Columbia University continues to astonish me. (try that one). Then, build upon that statement some. Tell your readers why you feel that the university astonishes you. There must be more than just the one reason. Explain yourself in more detail.

Thanks,

Mark
nicmont93 4 / 9  
Sep 9, 2010   #3
i suggest you elaborate more on the university itself. admissions officers will look at this and say ok well you can recieve the same thing at NYU. make it more specific towards columbia and they're programs.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 11, 2010   #4
Cultural diversity is a little bit cliche as an answer to this question. You wrote this very nicely, but I just think it is going to be too simplistic this way.

If you are very, very passionate about an intention you have for the future, your favorite thing about the school will have something to do with that intention, that interest you have in a particular field of study.

Sorry to be negative about it! The good news is that you write well, so you should be able to write something very impressive if you get inspired tonight.


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