Curiosity led me on a remarkable voyage; My aspirations(goals)for Queen's U & beyond

This is my PSE for Queen's University. It is due by March 1 and I would like to know if it needs editing, or whether it flows and answers the question successfully. The more opinions the merrier. =D

In an essay of 300 words or fewer, write about your goals for your time at Queen's University and beyond.

Curiosity has led me on a remarkable voyage. From taking apart computers as a child, to reading animal encyclopedias as an adolescent - this journey has been nothing short of ecstatic. Regardless of where I am, I succumb to fiddling with the simple things in order to figure out how complex they actually are.

Take for example, a tree. By observing it, we learn that it provides food and shelter. Yet dwelving further allows us to see that our existence depends on it. Biology allows us to explore the life-altering and mind-boggling details of our surroundings. It explains the harmonies between organisms in an ecosystem, or the medical conditions that plague humans.

Growing up with Crohn's disease, I spent countless hours - even days on a hospital bed. Being unable to walk let alone run, I looked to my gastroenterologists and rheumatologists for reasons why it had to be me. This exposure to the medical environment has inspired me to help others in a similar situation.

At Queen's University, I would like to embark on the next chapter of my expedition. The Life Sciences program offers me an opportunity to further extend my evergrowing knowledge while exploring the extracurricular world that I share with my future peers. I find that the AMS Intern program and ASUS provide a backbone for a successful time at Queen's. Being socially adept and possessing leadership skills are not only good for the campus environment - they also prepare me for the career atmosphere that I will later join.

As Abraham Lincoln once said, "The best way to predict the future is to create it." The first step for mine is to aquire the root - an undergraduate degree. As it sprouts into different pathways, my time at Queen's will decide the best one to choose.

Your prompt wants you to talk about;


This is the only part that answers it;


I dont say that you should not talk about your passion and how it evolved. But you have consumed too much words and paras explaining them and talked much less about what the prompt really needs. Talk about your goals more(both short and long), tell them what you want to achieve at Queens and beyond.

.... :)
Well.... sounds better :)


... climbing success and inspiring others ; do you mean about the success in this field? This sounds too general.
My suggestion is to combine the first two paras. I'd like if you re-phrase them to show that you are interested in both IT and medicine. Take the following lines to the very end of this para;


Also I feel it is better you use comma or semi colon instead of hyphen.

lol why so many eclipses? Is it honestly that bad?