About dancing - 150 word essay on extra curriculars

Like many young girls, I found myself at the age of three in a black leotard and pink tights, twirling around in ballet class. Although most girls from my early years eventually dropped out, I have continued at that same studio for fourteen years. Dancing has given me the chance to express myself in unique ways as well as learn to collaborate with others. My teacher emphasizes freedom of choice through movement, allowing me to choreograph dances by myself. Moving freely and without inhibition is a gift. Additionally, ballet has allowed me to give back to my community by participating in benefit performances for underprivileged youth. I have had the honor of also teaching some of these children the fundamentals of dance, and I love playing the role of mentor to these younger students, sharing with them my passion for dance and all that it offers.

help me, is that right wrong? good bad? not the right stuff..help please
thanks so much!

^Your responce will suffice for this question. It answers the question. I don't think that the common app expects something fabulous.

It's not bad. I'd get rid of the comparison to others at the beginning:



Maybe you could use the extra space to elaborate on how ballet taught you to cooperate with others.

Mention that ballet inculcated discipline.

^I think that with my revisions, you should be able to come across as more modest and humble about your activities.
I think that this essay is not bad at all.

You can always strengthen it by using more powerful methods of expression. That is, if you are not satisfied with how your essay is as it stands.