Dangerously High Risk Essay: Yale & Brown

This is Brown's prompt, however, I decided to send it as a second essay to Yale as well.

Prompt: French novelist Anatole France wrote: "An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't." What don't you know?

Under my belt I posses fourteen years of mind boggling education, experience gained from interacting with various cultures and skills acquired over the years from many precarious trips to the ant infested forests of the Amazon. Yet, I have come to realize I do not know many things.

I have performed on Broadway, negotiated with the mafia and have survived high school but I don't know if I will get into Yale University. I believe I will live till 2011, but I don't know if the world will end in 2012. I have been known to study the intricacies of coffee beans from Starbucks, but I don't know why I don't drink coffee. I have built flying cars, lunar modules and self-propelling hover crafts with my bare hands, but I am still confused why I walk to school.

I have disproved Newton, fought with Edison and trumped Einstein (all at once) but I am still confused at my 'B' in Calculus. I do not sleep, but I am cannot explain why my eyelids close for hours at a time at night. I am a certified connoisseur in Paris and a registered cognoscente in Amsterdam, but I am not sure why I can only appreciate the taste of a McDonald's double cheeseburger. I played for the Los Angeles Lakers, New England Patriots and St.Louis Cardinals but I don't know why I am picked last for every sport in gym. I am a private citizen but I get migraines wondering why I get fan mail.

My teachers like me, my friends adore me and my enemies love me but I cannot explain why my house is always egged on Halloween. I am an eloquent raconteur, fluent narrator and a facile speaker yet I do not know any stories. I once climbed Mt. Kilamanjaro, Mt. McKinley and Mt. Everest on the same day but did not know how to prove it. I go to my school for extra help on Sundays but I don't know why the doors are always closed. I have traveled the world many times but I am not sure why I did not pick up any souvenirs.

I recently realized we use Bears and Bulls to characterize our stock markets, but I don't know what happened to the Sox and Cubs. I won the Pulitzer Prize for my plethora of publications but I don't know how to write a college admissions essay. I am a virtuoso violinist, an adept guitarist and a deft dancer but I am not sure why I did not pursue a career in the arts.

I don't know many things but, I do know that my admission ticket to Yale is in your hands.

" but I am cannot explain why my eyelids close for hours at a time at night"

there shouldn't be an " am" in there.

also, I feel like the line, " I am a private citizen but I get migraines wondering why I get fan mail, " sounds somewhat strange. Try rewording it.

At first I was unsure of where your essay was going, then I realized there were either two options here.
You were either certifiably insane for taking this risk or a genius for being so original.
I'm going with genius.

Good luck, I hope this helps!

???
Wow... It reads like a really long riddle, and I have no idea who you are, or what you like, or anything except that I'm really annoyed by how perplexing the essay is.

If this stuff relates to your background, then power to you, but if not, it doesn't help me know you or why I should let you into University at all.

Sorry if that seems harsh, but 'high risk' doesn't begin to describe this: This is walking into Chernobyl with a Hawaiian shirt on. You should try something more grounded.

If you're not too annoyed. I'd really appreciate some essay help.

I have read something similar to this. Damn, I cannot recall his name right now... Well, you must have read that essay, since this is very similar. It is a guy that says I have done this and I have done that (among those was "I sleep once a week and when I do, I sleep in my chair"), and he mentions that he has won several prizes (Nobel, if I recall well) then he ends this essay by telling "BUT I have not yet been to university".

I guess you have been influenced by him to write this, though it exists a small chance that you haven't. Anyway, submitting this essay would be too risky.

I am a person who goes for the risks, and normally I would advice you to submit it and praise you for your originality, even though this essay would not tell much besides the fact "i am original and I take risks"

Though, I am NOT advising you to submit this. Why? Because its main supposed strength, originality, is very doubtful. And believe me, since I know this essay, the adcoms must know it for sure.

Hope I cleared your thoughts a bit and hope you will do a great essay :)
Could you take a look at my past post(s) if you can? I would appreciate it. Thanks.

Is this a joke thread? This is a carbon copy of another essay.

wow i really liked this essay a lot. i have also read the one that poisonivy has mentioned. I would say submit it because it is creative and interesting. Good luck at getting in.

my essay is for uchicago and is ok.
any suggestions?

yup... you got it right.. it's a DANGEROUSLY high risk essay..
I seriously have NO clue of what you are trying to say.

I'm not sure if you should take this big of a risk.
Like poisonivy, I am a risktaker, but I think that this would hurt you rather than help you for your admission. I love the original idea of a riddle, though. Maybe you can write a riddle that's a bit less confusing? Maybe somethign that the reader can answer at the very end..

I hope this helps!

I'm applying to Brown too. If you have the time, can you look over mine?

wow thank you for your input. I don't intend to change it, as I am not so particular about Brown and Yale (not so much but still lol). I will now try to respond to your essays!

hmmm, my first impression while reading this was, " wait, what?" I think that that the admissions officers would be confused. Although it may capture their attention, this is still a very high risk essay.

I don't think I would send this, if I were you...it is almost identical, if not in content than in structure, to an essay written by Hugh Gallagher that is now somewhat looked upon as satire. I mean, if someone who'd never read gallagher's original essay read this, they'd (probably) enjoy it. It's witty and daring and stands out. If somehow the admissions people at either yale/brown know of the original, which I think is likely given the fact that it's pretty famous and has been published, they would think you were taking the easy way out =\

blogs.law.harvard.edu/sj/i-am-a-dynamic-figure/

^^^ Look familiar?

I wouldnt recommend using your essay. It seems like a futile attempt to copy this.

Lol, it's basically a remake of the Gallegher essay. It's unique, though.

"I won the Pulitzer Prize for my plethora of publications but I don't know how to write a college admissions essay. I am a virtuoso violinist, an adept guitarist and a deft dancer but I am not sure why I did not pursue a career in the arts."

Switch the two sentences. It seems incomplete if you don't.

I like how the thread starter ignored five people's posts pointing out how this is a rip off of Gallagher's NYU essay. Whatever, don't listen to us. Watch you get denied the second the admissions officer reads your essay.

I can see that you'd like to keep this so I'll try to give a bit of constructive criticism?

aside from the similarity...
honestly I just see a lot of empty and general assertions. If you choose to pursue the comical and outlandish structure of the Gallagher essay I suggest you brainstorm a few other examples that communicates more profound characteristics.

On an end note these types of essays makes me think of Dos Equis & the most interesting man in the world. haha.

Thank you once again.

I understand what you folks are trying to say. Yes, I have read the essay by Hugh Gallagher it is what probed me to write a unique yet similar essay. I in no way copied his ideas [[in my revised version, I deleted the comment about private citizens]] I only drew a parallel structure to the style he used. Don't we all use similar styles? Countless collegebound seniors have written about their parent's addiction, childhood dreams and future careers. How is this different? I copied a style which contradicts the prompt yet answers it, hopefully in a bit of a humorous sense.

These were original ideas and original sentences, similarity in a type of writing cannot and should not invalidate a good piece of literature.

I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.

That's from the Hugh Gallagher essay.

I have been known to study the intricacies of coffee beans from Starbucks, but I don't know why I don't drink coffee.

That's from your essay.

"I recently realized we use Bears and Bulls to characterize our stock markets, but I don't know what happened to the Sox and Cubs. I won the Pulitzer Prize for my plethora of publications but I don't know how to write a college admissions essay. I am a virtuoso violinist, an adept guitarist and a deft dancer but I am not sure why I did not pursue a career in the arts." - You

"I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis." - Gallagher

Just like H.G. You just listed things you did. And if the entire bodies of both essays being similar isn't enough for you to reconsider, just look at your conclusions...

"But I have not yet gone to college." - Gallagher
"I don't know many things but, I do know that my admission ticket to Yale is in your hands." - You

Aside from the fact that both essays' conclusions are a single sentence, and that they refer to being admitted to college, and that they center around the word "but," your conclusion seems perfectly fine. Not. You should rewrite it or risk the admissions readers throwing your entire application away due to either plagiarism, lack of creativity, or something else.

BTW, we read the Gallagher essay in my junior year of high school, and i've heard it being referred to dozens of times. It IS famous, and the readers at Yale/Brown WILL have read it. Sending in your essay like this is like not even writing anything at all, not only does it lack substance but it is a clone of an already existing famous document.

Sorry if I came off harsh, but seriously you should rewrite it.

Whatever you are trying to do and however you may justify it, it comes off as a blatant plagiarism of Gallagher's form and ideas, and it won't get you into Yale or Brown.

Once again thank you.
I am not debating the fact that it has been read or that it is known. I am not claiming to be a pioneer in this style of essay writing. I am merely suggesting that ALTHOUGH THE STYLES ARE SIMILAR. The substance is different.

I thought this was clever and funny, but add into the mix some examples that have a bit deeper tone, that give insight to who you really are as a person.

Since your a Penn hopeful as well would you please critic my essay? :)

This advice seems like something that is beautifully expressed... to me, it seems like something very well-said, but I don't know why. I do agree that it s high risk, and I appreciate all of you in this forum who reminded me of that term, because it captures something that is difficult to express sometimes as I comment on people's essays.

I agree.. I think this is high-risk.

I also have to say that this...


... this is really impressive! Ha ha, these are the words of someone who might do well majoring in political science or psychology. Even facing harsh criticism, you don't let yourself lash out, and I think that is so impressive. Here is a video where an important person explains how to hold anger in a particular way. youtube.com/watch?v=bXQhspVJKxY

Your excellent composure reminded me of that video...