Dear Father; We were happy but most importantly, we were together!

First of all, I am not a brilliant writer. Essays are not a joy for me to write, but I do hope that I did this essay some justice because all of its components are very true and difficult for me to express, even on paper. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.

I don't know which topic this essay belongs to or if it even belongs to a particular topic. I wrote this for a possible college essay and to also help me release some stress and knots in my mind. I neither proofread nor did I eliminate the contractions so I apologize in advance. I would just like to hear some of your thoughts.

I'm afraid this essay seems more like a narrative than an essay, anyway....

We were happy but most importantly, we were together. What changed? I still continue to ask myself that because unfortunately, I have not found the answer and not finding it is currently my biggest fear.

This summer was different than the other summers I've had all my life. A tragic fate beheld me and it is a constant nightmare that to this day, still has not parted me. I had convinced myself repeatedly that I was crazy and delusional; that I was seeing and hearing things that are truly not there; that everything that was going on was solely a figment of my imagination. To my misfortune, I soon snapped myself out of my feigned conjectures which truthfully was a means of escape, a dismissal from the truth. The truth. I discovered infidelity in my household. What hurts more is that it was my father, whom I admit was the parent I was closer to than my mother.

When I first found out, I kept my mouth shut because the truth was too unbearable. I was crushed into pieces and the person who usually picks them up was the one who caused them to shatter. In turn, I was alone and I could feel myself slowly breaking down. I could not keep up with the countless nights that I spent awake in my dark, cold room feeling helpless and perplexed by what should be done or how this should be handled. Tears endlessly streamed down my face and I was not certain how it was possible to cry so excessively. I was bearing an impossible weight on my shoulders and I felt that at any moment, I could collapse and I would not be able to get back up.

Three weeks. It took three weeks for something to happen, and I did not even make it happen. It was an accident. I was in the dining room sitting silently with my mom while she organized her paperwork. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, I broke into a bellow and my mom was hysterical. She thought that she had done something wrong and demanded that I tell her what is happening to me. I didn't speak for I was afraid of what to say. I couldn't speak. She was very worried, so she got up from her chair and speedily searched for my dad around the house to gather some insight on what I was crying about. Disappointment and more pain struck me when my dad scoffed at my hysteria. He called me crazy, and at that moment, I felt him relinquishing all his love and care for me. The daughter who viewed her father as the most important person in her life ended up tearing her apart and breaking her heart.

He will always be my father, no matter how much he has hurt me. I admit that there are times where I wanted to throw a fit at him just to show him how furious I was for what he did to his family, but I cannot find the will to do just that. My dad did me, my brother, and my mother wrong, but I never lose hope that he will find his way again, and I want to be ready to accept him for when that time comes. I do not wish to let my pain and anger take over me. I do not want to be swallowed by my fear and anxieties. Instead, I intend to do the opposite. Just because I went through a difficult time does not mean I get to throw away my dreams and my goals. It is my senior year and I'm prepared to work harder than I've ever had to before. This goes to show that I will not let this problem push me off the cliff. This situation was only a test of my strength. Yes, I am torn apart and broken but I was not raised a coward. I am going to fight. Dad, this is for you.

TOPICS: (do they belong to any of these?)
1) There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

2) Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

3) Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

4) Describe an event, a person or an educational experience that has had a major impact on your life and why

NOTE: "Impact" does not necessarily have to be "awe-inspiring" and come from a positive experience right? Because my essay is not at all like that.

Hi,

Even though this is your first draft, it is very well written. :)

I think your essay fits more into 1 and 3. Cos it's the fact that you found out about your father's infidelity that had an impact on you, rather than your father himself.

However, is it possible for you to give a brief recount of how you discovered that? Maybe it's because I do not have a full picture of what you experienced, I found the following part a bit confusing.

'Three weeks. It took three weeks for something to happen, and I did not even make it happen. It was an accident.'

Good luck!

I agree.
You don't have the majority of your passage intensively talking about your father's impact on you.

Thank you so much (:

As for the confusion, I apologize. My experience is heavily detailed that providing a brief recount of what happened would be difficult, but I did come up with a little something:

Harmlessly awakening from a mild 30-minute nap on my living room's leather couch, I heard a voice from the office in the next room, "I'll meet you tomorrow, okay? Bye, I love you." I was dazed by my regaining of consciousness that everything, the voice, the words, who the voice belonged to, were all unclear. As far as I was concerned at the time, I was dreaming. However, this dream gradually became more real each passing second and I quickly realized that the voice was my father's and he was video chatting with an unfamiliar face, a woman.

I didn't want to assume, panic or meddle, not unless I had evidence. On the same night, I installed a key logger on the family computer which enabled me to see a screenshot of every mouse click, and every punch on the keyboard was recorded as well; Privacy was no longer a privilege. The following day, I checked the computer and there it was, my proof. My father is seeing someone. I did not do anything lest I'll blunder if I were to use words or actions.

This addition does not satisfy me. With what I'm going through, I'm going to need to write a book about it in order to display the "full picture."

Also, do you think #4 would fit the essay as well because it could be an event that impacted me?

Hi,

I think if you can incorporate that into your main essay then it would a lot clearer.

I think #4 is possible. Cos I'm not sure if it was an event that had impacted you or a few events that allowed you to figure out what's going on that had impacted you. If it's just one event, your essay will fit into #4.

Btw just to clarify, for the 3 weeks that you mentioned, are you refering to the duration it took for your father to get involved in another woman of the duration you used to piece the missing pieces together?

Hmm.. when you asked that and I referred back to my essay, it was quite confusing, so thanks for pointing it out. Now I know I need to re-word or make that part clearer.

For three weeks, I kept my mouth shut. No one besides myself knew of his infidelity, and I tried so hard to tell someone, my mom, about it but I never gained the courage to do so. After three weeks of hiding it from my mom, she finally found out because I cried hysterically out of nowhere. That was the day she started interrogating my dad to see if he knew what was going on with me. I kept it from her for three weeks, and she ended up finding out on her own accord ("It was an accident").

We were happy, and most importantly, we were together. What had changed? I still continue to ask myself that because unfortunately, I have ...

I discovered infidelity in my household. What hurts more is that it was my father. whom I admit was the parent I was closer to than my mother. I think it is better without this part.

...collapse and I would not be able to get back up.--- This paragraph is very eloquently written.

...want to be ready to accept him for when that time comes.

Nice! This is a good one... I think it would work for most of those prompts, but if you use it for the first one you will need to revise to include discussion of your educational goals, etc... how this has effected you (specifically, not just the way it strengthened your resolve, but the way it changed your goals and ideas...)

I like your forgiving attitude and your wisdom!