"Death of my Father" (University of Washington Prompt 1.B)

Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". Hypothetically speaking: the death of my father didn't kill me, however it did make me stronger. The kind of man my father was; I knew exactly what would make him proud. The only problem, was I to young? Being a 10 year old kid who still watched animated cartoons every Sunday morning before breakfast was not ready to accept my fathers death. When the words "We tried... but we couldn't stop the bleeding" came out of the doctors mouth" my stomach dropped, vision blurred, and tears came out my dried red eyes from crying for hours waiting... waiting... and even more waiting.

The death of Nirmal Singh Thind, my father, took me to the other side of life. The side where not everything is the way it's supposed to be. Of course those were the worst days of my life, but instead of feeling sorrow for myself and trying to take advantage of the sorrow that people felt for me, (even though i did try to convince a girl to go out with me once by using the guilt trick) I actually went to school a couple days after i had time to recollect my thoughts. Different counselors advised it wasn't healthy to go into that kind of environment after having witnessed the death of my father with my own eyes. I rejected the offers to stay home and sleep in or go and get ice cream during school hours. My family tried their hardest to keep me from going to school but they couldn't keep me from my own will. I didn't want my family to think that everything wouldn't be normal ever again; i wanted to instill hope towards the future. I know it's not in those words i wanted to express at the time; but i wanted to be strong for my family and show that they didn't need to worry about me.

As i grew older, so did the responsibilities. The Indian tradition that is verbally imprinted into a son's by his father is "whatever i have is yours". A couple years after my dad deceased, I started to take apart in the family business more. The motel we owned and where the robbery took place, would be where i spent most of my days off at. Being fluent in English meant that i would get the honor of making all the business calls for my family. No one would ever make an order of 100 new towels to a 14 year old voice on the other side. I had to mature quickly and learn how to communicate effective and efficiently with others. I did tasks that no "normal" 14 year old wants to do, but than i would think of the times when my dad worked 12 hours shifts driving a taxi and i was inspired by his work ethic and tried to imitate it but on a lower scale.

The death of my father took me through the first obstacle i had to face as a child. It wasn't the same kind of problem that i endured when my bike had a flat tire or when the TV wasn't working. This tragedy eventually shaped me up to the person I am today. I believe I have become stronger willed and more mature growing up because I've had to face problems without a father figure to guide me through them.

Please include any constructive criticism. Thank You

Sorry to hear about the death of your father ... but your essay is really good ... I really like how you talk about his death and then talk about how you overcame that.

But I think you should also focus on how it made you focus on school, how it changed your perspective on things. Also, you use present and past tenses together, try to look at that as well.

But overall, really nice.