Describe an exceptional achievement and lesson learned in your academic experience.

I'm writing a personal statement to apply for a university in Singapore.

I have always been intrigued by computers since I last shifted my course from mechanical engineering to network security, when I was in ITE which I've made the right choice in my life. Since then, I have always have been fascinated by the program which made to further my studies in Singapore Polytechnic. At times when on, I was given an opportunity to take up the Final Year Project, which was suggested by the Director under the school of Electrical & Electronics Engineering. I was excited and honored to be a part of this project. Although we did not represent for the showcases of SP's final year students from the Engineering courses, we certainly did our best to produce the project.

Throughout my journey in Singapore Polytechnic, it has been an eye-opening and learning experience to have this opportunity to take up this course. As a background of a reserved person, It has taught me on how to be more confident especially during the presentation. It was challenging at first, but after numerous project we had to presentation, I have gained much more confident than I was in ITE. I have also learnt to collectively work as a group. Working in a group has helped me to tackle problem-solving, gathering of different ideas and also help glad to help each other on our weak points.

Sorry but my english is not that great and lastly thanks for your help.

Alex, I hope that you read the prompt before you wrote the essay because your response did not properly address the prompt required by the university at all. It is almost as if you did not understand what information the university requires you to present to the reviewer as part of your application. There is no exceptional achievement being presented by you in the essay. There are no lessons learned either. The two topics go hand in hand. You are to discuss an achievement and the difficulties that you encountered before you succeeded in this undertaking. So you need to think of an achievement - an honor or recognition that you received from your university or during high school that was difficult for you to accomplish, and yet you managed to deliver on it. Discuss the achievement and what you learned by confronting the difficulties of completing your task.

Right now, what you have is a pointless personal statement. Pointless because it is not capable of delivering the correct response to the prompt and you cannot even revise it to make it more prompt adherent. Needless to say, you will have to write a totally new essay. One that really presents your accomplishment and the lessons you learned from the experience.

You did good job.However your work is not perfet.frist of it grammar problem.you used wrong tense
...
See I did correct for you. You should clear your idea too how can you make a right choice what passion is that you have to show us

Hi @atrix,

I am studying currently in a Singapore university (NUS). I feel what the university looks for is a strong answer which clearly explains the WHY. Right now you are giving a gyst of why you like computers, but what will be better is explaining what exactly you did in your polytechnic and ITE. A description of your final year project and your grade in it will help put you up in their wanted list.

Good luck :)