Each key plummeted as though self-propelled, irrepressible. Each note echoed through the room as it would from the peak of a mountain. Each error seemed (...)
^I have made it to the top of a mountain actually. Given my experience, I did not understand the echo simile.
I also do not get how hunger 'lingers'.
Why is the man's hand curved around a thin dark pen? Is he showing off how flexible his wrist is?
Your writing style is quite good actually. You have made some grammar mistakes here and there, but overall, your introduction is quite good.
Your second paragraph is also well written. This paragraph also has some grammar essays. With the ending however, I kind of understood how that one screwed up note was impactful. I did not need another two consecutive
reminders, adding to something I already understood.
I sat with my hands resting on the faded white of my piano. As I scan the butchered; abused music score I saw the note again diverting my attention; mocking my determination. I practiced again and again for the betterment of my piano teacher so that she would feel at rest when I played the piece before my judge. I practiced for the benefit of my parents who I needed to improve for. Yet I was constantly unsatisfied. Piano had become an obstacle to overcome.
^You had just mentioned nine years in your earlier paragraph. Then you suddenly say 'I sat' etc. When did this happen? When during those nine years did this moment take place?
There should be a comma after butchered.
How can you see a musical note by the way? I am sure that they are HEARD.
Piano was my hobby, yet I had never practiced because I wanted to satisfy myself.
^Yea, this needs to be reworded. You are saying that piano was your hobby, but you never practiced playing it because you wanted to satisfy yourself. I am led to believe, that you did not play piano even though it was your hobby, because you were too busy masturbating.
*This is the second essay Ive read where a reference to masturbation can be interpreted.
I finally understood that I had never been successful because of this.
^Well, if this is continuing on from the previous point, two words.
I was prepared, for conquering this note was no longer my goal, neither was satisfying my piano instructor nor my judge. The goal was so unimaginably simplistic. I had nine years of piano experience, and now I was going to let it go to waste for one note? I eyed the man with the clipboard and pen. The frost had retreated from my fingers. They sprang into a lively movement. One of Chopin's most treasured pieces emerged from the keyboard. I became more confident with each note, right or wrong. I came to enjoy the music I had been producing for half my life. This confidence and pleasure would stay with me in my future activities as would my desire to fulfill others expectations be purged. (Reword)
^What is your goal that you ramble on about for two sentences?
Frost between your fingers? Was the air conditioning really powerful? Also, how does frost retreat, and spring into a lively movement?
Your essay is generally good but seeing as how you are a good writer, then this needs to be tweaked quite a lot. A lot.