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Old Ones Essay! Describe an elderly person in your life who has effected you

kenzie5369 1 / -  
Feb 28, 2012   #1
Hey, this essay is due tomorrow! I just need help making sure it sounds good and is correct. Thanks!

Old Ones Essay Rough Draft
In everyone's life there has been at least one person who has taught them something, whether it was about school, money, relationships, religion, or just life in general. My grandmother has been that person for me. Her strong, positive attitude, background and experiences, and life lessons have kept in line, I would say, more than anything else to this day.

From the day that I was born my grandmother has always been around to help me become a mature young woman that she wants me to be. Growing up around her, I learned a lot about keeping my things and life organized, as well as managing my time with school, sports, and singing. All throughout my elementary school and middle school years I was promised a shopping day if I made all A's that quarter or semester. To me that was the greatest reward. I loved shopping yet I didn't exactly love school too much. My grandmother, making this deal with me, motivated me to get good grades and be successful in school. Now in high school, depending on my overall GPA in the end of the year determines how much money I am given for shopping, saving, etc. Ever since I was younger she has always taught me that school is one of the most important things and that I really need to focus and not regret missing out on learning something.

From the day I could talk my grandmother was always correcting my grammar. To me, it didn't matter. I hadn't learned grammar yet and I was only five years old! Who cares? I would get so frustrated with the way she interrupted my stories to teach and correct what I had said wrong. As I look back on all those times, I am glad she interrupted me and taught me what I know now. As I grew up I was a little bit more mature in the way I spoke compared to other kids and I even got complemented on my speaking skills. As I grew up she always made me call the bowling alley to see how late they were open or call where we were headed and ask how to get there. I was super shy and I always hated calling people that I did not know because I was afraid I would say something that sounded stupid. Eventually it did not bug me and I liked calling and talking to people I did not know. Today, I have a job that requires me to talk to people, and having the manners, grammar, and speaking skills that my grandma taught me helps me out tremendously.

Like most sixteen year old kids these days, I am not very into the long conversations on the phone with my grandmother about saving money and the "Oh my gosh you'll never believe what I did stories." But I have definitely learned many valuable lessons from these thirty minute long conversations. Including, spending money wisely, keeping an organized calendar for the week, do not procrastinate, and simply enough, God. My grandmother has been the number one person in my life who has taught me all about God and who lead me to believing what I do. Christmas and Easter holidays would not be the same without my grandmother telling the true story behind these holidays year after year. And I know one day I will want to be the same way for my grandkids, making sure they know all about Jesus and his love.

I know I can be that annoying, bratty, and dramatic teenager, who acts like I do not need any advice or help, but without my grandmother, I do not think I would have made to be who I am today. From the organization skills, speaking skills, religion, and grades, my grandmother is always there to support me. When recently breaking up with a boyfriend of two years, she was always there to call me and tell me she is praying for me. Today she told me she wished she could take my pain away and send me off on a trip to get my mind off of it. Even hearing those simple words, I know she cares and loves me so much. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my grandmother and I am so happy to have such and amazing women in my life. One day I will tell my grandchildren the same things she has told me, in hopes of a successful life for them as well.
nchowder 1 / 2  
Mar 14, 2012   #2
Your work is great, your teacher will like it! but i notice you come in and out of your formal tone which may decrease your score, your teacher may mention this. In this type of writing you will need t keep a specific tone but overall was great! here are some corrections i made, they are examples of what you need to improve om :

**ever since i was young
**articulating skills
great job! :D have a look at mine

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