Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?
Why is the sky blue?
Why do I have an attraction for the girl next to me?
Why am I here?
My world indeed is a waterfall. Questions constantly cascade upon me, leaving me drenched in my own curiosity. For instance, when, on another bright afternoon of Physics, I caught myself wondering why the enormous heaven is immensely blue, I curiously interrupted the teacher, even if the lecture was different from "sky" or "color".
I yearn for knowledge of both the physical world and the forces that act upon it. All these questions begin with "why", but not all of them lend their answers nicely. I can easily find the answer to the changing color of the sky in the waves of light it refracts. As I mature further into adulthood, however, the questions increase in complexity. Why am I here wondering about the sky...Why am I here?
Where will I find the answer to that?
I have come to understand that, ostensibly, these questions will not find answers here on earth. I need to discover what lies beyond the turquoise gate of this prison-like orb. As a physicist and a philosopher, I know I will have a better sense of the universe, both in its physical and metaphysical natures. Questions fall in small beads but come together and drench me heavily into deeper curiosity. As a human being, I will never have knowledge of everything. But, as an individual drowning in cold curiosity, I need to dry up occasionally, too.
I think asking more interesting questions in the beginning would improve your essay a lot. A more effective hooks as you say.
I caution the prison-like orb. I mean college understand the need to expand beyond Earth, but making Earth sound too negative contradicts your beginning. First curiosity and then disdain.
Perhaps I am reading too much into this, but just words of caution I guess.
I would really appreciate your help on my essay:
Whats the limit for word count?
My world indeed is a waterfall. Questions constantly cascade upon me, leaving me drenched in my own curiosity. For instance, when, on anothera bright afternoon of Physics, I caught myself wondering why the enormous heaven is immensely blue,. I curiously interrupted the teacher, even if the lecture was different from "sky" or "color".
You need a transition here. There's a jump.
I yearn for knowledge of both the physical world and the forces that act upon it. All these questions begin with "why", but not all of them lend their answers nicely.
You need to make your essay seamless. As a reader, I feel like I get cut off with the questions that you introduce. As Eric mentioned above, you should try asking more interesting questions. You answer the prompt, but expand more on how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Take these just as suggestions :)
Thanks for responding to mine.
Good luck! -Jamie
