First two paragraphs.
It is said that the world we live in molds us into the type of people we are today, depending on what kind of enviornment we live in, good or bad. Typically those who grew up in good enviornments are said to be the most successful, but is that really true? I beg to differ, the way I see it, With the more bad enviornments come better life experience. People who have never been exposed to real struggle or challenges cannot obtain the necessary life skills to make better decisions and be more independent and succeed. Or as many people like to call it in present times "to have street smarts" The enviornment you come from doesn't necessarily depend on your area or where you live, it relies more upon your own personal world that you come from. From my own personal encounters, I believe that the more you are exposed to different types of enviornments the more skills you acquire to lead a successful lifestyle. In the world I live in I've always been one to absorb knowledge from all aspects of my life, such as my family, friends, and my community.
My family has always held one of the biggest impacts on the way I think, and the decisions I make, Most of the time as a young child, I've always had my parents and other family members around me to encourage me in my endeavours, and support my choices. While in that stage of childhood I felt safer more than ever because I knew that my family will always be there to pick me up when I'm down, and pick up the pieces after I've have failed numerous times. As I grew up however I started to develop a sense of independence, and slowly found out that I will have pick up the pieces for myself as time moves on. My father and mother always preached to me "you have to work for what you want in this world" and to get an education. Education has always been very important to me but I knew there was more out in the world to experience beyond the books and classrooms. I hungered for interaction with other people, to go various places, to experience new things. My parents have not always supported my decisions, but that's the point in life where I began to realize I had to start doing what I Felt was best for myself, And I thank my family for that sense of independence.
Another important element to the world I Live in, are my friends. Once high school started, I thought of it as a brand new start. High school is considered to be the best four years of my life, there was no reason hold back. From freshman year till now entering my senior year, I've encountered various types of people in all personalities and ethnicities. And I've become close with many of who I can call life time companions. The people I've come into contact with in my teenage years taught me much that I can carry into the future.
Hey Rusty, this is my first reply on these forums, but I hope I can help.
Your essay has a strong message that explores many deep questions about the way peoples' personalities are formed through long-term conditioning of their surroundings. I also believe that the complexity of the topic you tackle is impressive.
However, the essay has several grammatical errors, and needs a full edit. I've put the first few that I found below, but hopefully my suggestions will help you out with the rest of the essay.
"depending on what kind of enviornment we live in, good or bad."
Environment is misspelled, and the sentence is a run-on. "...we live in: good or bad" I think would be better
"I beg to differ, the way I see it, With the more bad..."
Another run-on. "I beg to differ; the way I see it" or "I beg to differ. The way I see it." Also, "with" should not be capitalized.
"With the more bad enviornments come better life experience."
I believe this should be revised to either "With bad environments can come better life experiences" or "With a bad environment can come a better life experience."
"Or as many people like to call it in present times 'to have street smarts'"
The sentence itself is a fragment. Since there's no comparison to what people said before, I don't think "in present times" is necessary. Before the quotation mark you need a comma, and at the end of the quote you need a period.
For me, this essay doesn't work so well. Why? Too much telling and not enough showing, I think. Instead of lecturing to us about environments in general and then telling us what effect your environments had on you, show us those environments, describe them to us, share some stories that illustrate the points you are trying to make.
