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Descriptive essay on my backyard


cooper92i 1 / -  
Mar 21, 2007   #1
I'm in 9th grade and i am writing a descriptive essay on my backyard, but i need to make it longer can anyoe help me?

My backyard is very significant to making my house a fun and relaxing place to live. The backyard is not any ordinary backyard, it's a place to take it easy by the pool, have barbeques and to host family gatherings.

The finest thing about my backyard is my swimming pool. On warm summer days, hopping into my pool is like sitting down in your big cozy chair after a long exhausting hike. On these hot summer days, it is also convenient to call some friends to come over and swim. Our pool has a stunning view, under the baking hot sun twinkles akin to a crystal.

The barbeque is also very significant to making my backyard complete. It's superb to settle down for the evening with some hot dogs and hamburgers.

Every time for a family gathering, everyone wants to have it in our backyard. We have an adequate amount of room to fit everyone in. Outside everyone can socialize abd munch on the barbequed food. You can smell the barbeques smoke drifting in the evening sky.

My backyard really is an important part of our home because without the twinkling water in the pool, the smoke scent from the barbeque, and my great-uncle and my aunt arguing over who gets the last piece of steak, our house is far from pleasant.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
Mar 21, 2007   #2
Greetings!

I think you have a great start here! The easiest way I know to make an essay longer is to expand on something you've already said, rather than try to think up something completely new. For instance, the last sentence about your great-uncle and aunt came as a bit of a surprise because you had not mentioned them previously. This gives you a perfect opportunity to relate a little story about how those arguments come about. You could even throw in some dialogue between the two. The best place to put it would probably be in the paragraph about how everyone gathers to socialize and munch on the barbequed food.

Here are a few editing tips:

The backyard is not any ordinary backyard; [semicolon] it's a place to take it easy by the pool

like sitting down in a big cozy chair after a long, exhausting hike.

Our pool has a stunning view; under the baking hot sun, it twinkles like a crystal.

Every time for a family gathering, everyone wants to have it in our backyard. - You could say, "Every time it is time for a family gathering," or "Whenever it is time" or "Every time we have a family gathering" but "Every time for a..." is not correct.

socialize and [typo] munch

smell the barbeque's smoke

If my suggestion still doesn't make it long enough, you could expand on other things like what you can see in the "stunning view" or what else is in the back yard, like flowers, trees, your pet, etc.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
Fustrated 1 / 5  
Jul 22, 2008   #3
Short essay describing a place - descriptive essays

My teacher has assigned me another work again.
He wanted me to write an short essay describing a place, there is no need for paragraphing. Any advice?
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Jul 22, 2008   #4
Good morning.

I suggest you write about a place that is very comfortable or familiar to you. This will make it easier to describe all facets of the location. You could choose your home, a park nearby, your favorite store, club, grocery store, or other familiar setting. Remember to use all five of your senses when writing a descriptive passage. Not only will it be more interesting for your reader, it will be more productive for you as you write it.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
Fustrated 1 / 5  
Jul 22, 2008   #5
sorry, what my teacher want is describe a place like the capital of somewhere...
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Jul 24, 2008   #6
Good morning.

If you know what your teacher wants, it helps me to help you if you tell me. I only know what you tell me about the assignment.

What place are you going to write about?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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