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Summary TEDx Backyard forrest to face smog in the cities


Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 17, 2016   #1
Subhendu Sharma was speaker in the TEDx, he spoke that he fascinated to the forest. Recently, forest more help people to reduce the smog, but the problem was the forest rare finded among the cities. Therefore, the speaker had idea to create forest in the backyard. Beside reduce the pollutant, backyard forest offers more advantages, one of them was harvested fruit in the backyard. In addition, Backyard forest was simple to be created. They only use biomass as the basic materials such as grass, powder of rice house, coconut shell, organic manure and water. So people can create forest by themselves with simple way, efficient, and cheap.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,835 4783  
Nov 17, 2016   #2
Bambang, the essay that you wrote is quite informative and offers the key points of the discussion. However, the background for your speaker is not complete so the reason behind his fascination with forests leaves the reader wondering as to how and why he has that fascination. My suggestion is that in the portion where you present the name of the speaker and that he has a fascination with forests, you mention why that is so and what his early interests in the forest are all about. That way when you present the second part of the summary, the reader knows that the speaker has a personal connection with the topic. The early interests presents the foundation of his current interest in backyard forestry and why he is advocating that cause. When done that way, the essay summary truly leaves the reader completely informed.
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 17, 2016   #3
Bambang,
Here's my detailed analysis towards your TED Summary.

- Subhendu Sharma wasisthe speaker in the TEDx video . (stop here, new sentence)Hespokesaid that he fascinated...
- Recently, forest morehelp people breath easily by reducingto reduce the smog, but the problem wasisthe forest rare finded amongis rarely found in the cities.

- Therefore, the speaker hadhave idea to create forest in the backyard.
- Beside reducereducing the pollutantpollution , backyard forest offers more advantages. One of them was harvestedis that people can harvest its fruit in the backyard.

- In addition, creatingBb ackyard forest is easywas simple to be created .

As you can see, most of the mistakes are about the usage of tenses. If it is clearly happened in the past, you need to give time signal to indicate that this event happen in the past. However, statement should be delivered by using present form rather than past. I hope by considering the above-mentioned feedback, you can gain some improvements in the next practice :)


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