"a desire to help people" - Emory Supplemental

Prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory University based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons as a possible college choice, why is Emory University a particularly good match for you?

Picture perfect weather, great location and an academic program that looks amazing on paper were not just the deciding factors that led me to apply to Emory University. Every person has a dream that they want to reach and succeed in and I feel that Emory has the right balance to provide me an endeavor to accomplish my dream.

I always had a desire to help people even it be a small thing. The joy that I acquire when I know that the person that I had helped had truly benefited has truly opened my eyes to pursue a career in medicine. Emory University's program on pre-medicine really captured my attention. The hands on experience inside the classroom as well as outside gives more dimension to learning that is very unique. The academics not only captured my attention with its caring professors, unique classes and the umpteenth research opportunities but also the community that Emory has built.

The balance between recreation and academics is sometimes difficult to find, but the community that Emory has constructed has truly caught my eye. The twelve words that instantly had an impact on me were "To create, preserve, teach and apply knowledge in the service of humanity." This was a heartfelt mission statement truly sets Emory from the rest as it encompasses everything that I expect out my own life. The programs that Emory has to offer to fulfill this mission statement and build that strong community ground up has made me imagine part of it already making a difference in the community. One program that caught my eye was the Volunteer Emory program. A dozen or so different ways to volunteer under one roof is motivation itself to help people around me and make a change in the world no matter how small.

Whether it be the state of the art facilities for research or just a meeting to rally students for a community service project, Emory offers a balance and a rich community that I feel that I can truly blend into. As a curious and open person, the many treasures and secrets that Emory University holds for me is innumerous and inviting.

Hey guys, feel free to comment and fix any grammar and content if needed. Thanks! It is much appreciated.

First sentance second paragraph doesnt sound right, perhaps instead
I have always had the desire to help people even if it is in the most minuscule way.

Try to find a better word for truely, colleges want to see your extensive vocab, using the same word two times in the sentance just doesnt look good.

...captured my attention like a (insert metaphor here) (adds color and imagry to the essay)

..inside, as well as outside, the class room...

...acedemics is a rare jewel to come across... rather than "difficult to find"

read your essay outloud, you will find the majority of your errors
also take a break and come back to it in an hour and try to read it in a different voice than you had when you wrote it(perhaps a different speed or just a deeper prononciation) it just makes you look at it differently and you may find somethig you would rather change.

I hope I've helped :]

please look over my emory essay an lemme know what you think!

This sentence by the admission office is not written correctly!


I think you should not include this part. It's what they talked about in the prompt... and it seems like you can't come up with an original thought for the intro.

I always had a desire to help people, even it be a small thing in small matters.

Whether it be... --- this kind of sentence is used too often in admission essays.

In this essay, I am looking for a main theme, and main idea that is the central truth for the whole essay. What is the main idea of "why Emory is a good match for you?"

I think the idea is related to your plan. I think you should write about your philosophy of medicine, and also the life philosophy that compels you to help people, and then describe ways the Emory is better than _______ college and the University of _________ for helping you to enact your plan.

Also, I think you would enjoy reading the introduction chapters to Mere Christianity by Lewis, because he makes an intriguing argument involving this desire to help others and do what is right.