Hi, i was wondering if someone could take a look at my personal statement and give me a few pointers, thanks.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I remember seeing a bright flash emanating from the darkness as I stood. My eyes fixed upon a small hand frozen in a grasping motion above a spider which scurried on the blue wallpapered wall. My previous thought had escaped me, but that didn't matter, I was merely interested in playing Super Mario Brothers with my older sister Zahra at that point. I looked past the wall separating the kitchen area from the rest of the one bedroom house and hurried to the bed where my mother lay sleeping and my sister sat, her attention fixed on the small television screen. That is my earliest memory, I was four. All I can tell you about what happened before then is that I was born in Yerevan, the capital city of Armenia on a Thursday in early May. What happened after is a series of images and videos locked in memory. In short they involve training-wheeled bicycles, running on rooftops, junk, deep cuts, scraped knees, avoiding bullies, buying bread, making a friend, broken stores, sitting very still, drowning, and a lot of road sickness, but I haven't the characters for all of that. All that matters is destiny and chance.
My entire life has been based around chance. I arrived in America in late September of 2001, unable to grasp the importance of such a change of scenery and how lucky we had been to be granted passage to the grand land of opportunity. It was the success of my mother and the failure of thousands which allowed us to board the plane that day. She was urged by her friends to fill out a greencard application to be chosen at random in a nationwide raffle. My mother was certain that she would not win, but much to her surprise, our golden ticket arrived in the later months. We decided to travel to America in order to establish a better life for my sister and me. Scrambling with our luggage, we boarded the plane, our possible future decided.
We arrived, our "restart" button having been pressed, and the stage loading once more. We were glad to have been given a fresh start, but also very confused by the alien world. Lacking money, we did the best we could with what we had, my father having to work freelance as an engineer and my mother studying at the community college. As for my sister and me, school proved to be especially difficult. Even after I had learned the language finding common ground with people wasn't always easy. However, as time progressed, we became assimilated, and I began to understand my new home. The sights, the sounds, the rules which govern American life, everything became familiar, yet maintained its distance. I often feel as if I am between worlds, having a sophisticated understanding of where I am, yet still clutching to a crude link with my old country. This feeling of limbo has stricken me with a perpetual question of my own character, one which I have yet to find an answer for. Most define themselves by describing who they think they are or who they want to be. Me? I haven't the characters for all of that. All that matters is that chance has granted me access to opportunity, and now destiny shall help shape my being and bring me closer to my possible future.
This is a unique experience and a pretty well-written essay.=)
Here are some grammatical error I spotted:
We arrived, our "restart" button having been pressed, and the stage loading once more.
-->As we arrived, our "restart" button was pressed, and the stage loaded again.
We were glad to have been given a fresh start, but also very confused by the alien world.
--> Though we were glad to be given a fresh start, we were at first fearful of this alien world.
Hope this help!=D
