My Essay:
Destroy and Build the World, All with Scissors
Is it a "first-world-problem" to say I've lost the "magic" of movies?
To explain, I think I have explain two things: My personality and Star Wars.
I was born to take things apart. From my very earliest of days, if I managed to grab anything, within several minutes, the object I grabbed would be a bit... Ruined. When I first went to temple as a small child, my parents performed a ceremony with the priest, and presented objects to crawl towards and select, as a sign of what person I may become. According to my mother, I grabbed a pair of scissors. Though she didn't give much of an explanation regarding its significance, I think I've come up with a meaning of my own. Scissors cut and shred, tearing apart anything the metal halves can bring between them, and break an object into smaller parts, so I was a scissor, taking apart things for my own purposes. That explained why the vacuum cleaner brushes were constantly un-plucked, why my toy trains had missing wheels, why I smashed instead of ate my crackers, and the other mischievous acts of my childhood. I was also quite hyper, and when things were silent in my home, either I was up to no good, probably damaging something, or for once, my attention was transfixed onto something. I think that's where Star Wars comes in.
When I was around three years old, the onscreen "magic" of Star Wars convinced me that there were such things as lightsabers and X-Wings. Over a dozen years ago, I was sitting around and playing with some toys downstairs, probably before I would eventually take it apart. My dad was watching all the original Star Trek films, but he couldn't find one of the movies at Blockbusters, so he instead picked up the other "Star" series. He turned on the TV and pushed in the VHS, and began to watch the film. Now for many people, movies and other sources of entertainment are ingrained as what was fun, but I wasn't about played with and watched at the time, I was simply in my own world having fun doing what I wanted, so pop-culture was an afterthought. I think that changed when I looked up and saw Stormtroopers walking down some corridor. The striking image is still burned into my mind. I saw a dozen men, wearing sleek white armor, with huge helmets. The helmets themselves almost resembled skulls, and I got the eerie feeling that perhaps these people were the bad guys of the movie. So to be sure, I sat down with my dad and began to see the rest of the film. I was completely enthralled. It probably had to be one of my first moments where I was truly focused and lost within something. After the movie ended, I re-watched it from the start, and to this day, my fanatical interest in Star Wars has not waned. That film changed me for who I was. No longer was I a scissor that took apart things, I began to see things more for what they offered.
The tricky part to all of this is to explain what has changed since. To summarize, over a decade later, my habit of being the scissor and tearing things down has reverted, and has now infiltrated how I see films. After years of watching Star Wars, the details and the behind-the-scenes have revealed to me just how the movie was really made, and seeing so much of the technical details behind it, in essence, has caused me to lose the certain element of "magic" movies once possessed for me. If I could, I would want to know how the movie is made, and still be able to have that "magic" resound with me, but I can't. So if I can't experience it that way, I think I should instead get more involved with film. Maybe there's something about the whole process of bringing a movie from concept to the bring screen that will deliver on some sort of "magic" I used to feel from films. So, scissors can cut things and break them down, we all know that. But maybe the smaller pieces are cut so that something can be made from what the scissors cut. I think I should embrace the scissor once again, and use what I tear apart to construct something wonderful from it.
Sanak, the essay that you wrote is not about a personal dilemma so it does not fit the prompt requirements. The current content of your essay sounds more like it fits the "Personal background, trait, or talent" kind of prompt. So in my opinion, you need to consider writing a more prompt relevant story as a response, or, the other choice is, to choose a different prompt instead to use this essay with. As I mentioned above, there is a prompt specific to this experience that you can use. So that choice it actually yours to make. At this point, let me try to explain to you the kind of experience that best responds to this prompt.
You need to asses the whole prompt for its relevance to your personal life. When you are asked to describe a personal dilemma, you need to concentrate on a situation that you had to overcome. It has to be a sort of challenge that you had to identify and then take steps in order to solve. Now, that is not something that needs to be as physical as you think. Right now, you are in the mindset of "I destroyed things so I had to stop doing that". While that is certainly a dilemma that is hard to overcome, it is not really a true dilemma. You really knew how to stop being a destroyer, you just did not want to do it.
Instead of trying to portray yourself as "The Incredible Hulk Meets Yoda", opt to present something along the lines of an intellectual challenge, ethical problem, or question that you needed to find an answer to because it directly relates to how you developed as a person. It has to be a situation that you thought you had no control over and could not change because of certain things such as the mindset of the people around you, a desire to keep things as part of the normal sphere of things on your part, or a situation that you just did not want to be involved in but could not help but do so. Those are the kinds of personal challenges that are taken seriously by the reviewer.
You need to make sure to highlight your intellectual maturity in this essay. Presenting a significant problem that forced you to take on a challenge and then come up with proper solutions to a problem. Think along the lines of traditional problems or predicaments. For example, a situation when you learned that your classmate cheated off your test paper and you caught him doing so. Did you turn him into your teacher or not? Why did you opt to make that decision? Did it benefit you positively in the end? In other words, this essay has to showcase your problem solving skills. It definitely does not have something to do with "Star Wars", scissors, and your love of destruction.
A totally revised essay should be able to help you better revise this essay. Base the new essay upon the above guidelines I presented and you should come out of this essay development phase just fine :-)
This is the prompt-
Describe a problem you've solved or a problem you'd like to solve. It can be an intellectual challenge, a research query, an ethical dilemma-anything that is of personal importance, no matter the scale. Explain its significance to you and what steps you took or could be taken to identify a solution.
Would it go more along the lines of an intellectual challenge? I don't think I should totally revise my essay, but maybe steer it more toward one of the points of the prompt, right?
Or should I change the prompt to this-
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Hi Sanak, thanks for providing the complete prompts to me. It really helped me better assess your essay in terms of where it would be more applicable. I know that it takes a lot of time and effort for students to reflect upon these essay prompts and then develop it. That is why I always advise the students to choose the prompt that best suits the essay that they developed. It makes their work worthwhile and helps the student avoid doing extra work :-)
In your case, I believe that it would be best to use the background prompt instead. The reasons that I opted for this prompt for you is really simple. Your essay talks about your background and talent, plus the development of your interest in this particular field. So the essay that you wrote is just perfect for it. You have the background in the form of your test at the temple. The talent in the form of your being able to destroy things (Yes it is a talent because not everyone as the inborn ability nor desire to take things apart :-) ). And the interest because of the story about your father bringing home the Star Wars VHS tapes. It is quite clear to me, as it will be to the reader that your story best applies to this prompt.
I would like you to do one thing in this essay though, revise the ending. Since we are talking about your background try not to talk about its relation to your choice of college majors. That really isn't required at this point. You just have to give the reviewer additional background information about yourself that you would otherwise not have had a chance to discuss using the other prompts. Instead, just explain why you finally came to control your desire to destroy through the Star Wars movies. Show the reviewer that you came to an understanding about who you are through this experience. We are aiming to show an intellectual maturity on your part and a clear understanding of who you are as a person.
I see. Thank you so much, I will have the edits up shortly. I currently am working on one of the personal statements for the UC application as we speak!
Here is my revised essay with the new ending.
... ....
Today, I am still a scissor, and as much as I would like to change that, it's a part of who I am that I fully accept and have adapted to. As a little kid, I would tear apart things simply because I felt the passion and the desire to do so. Now, I think of being the scissor as breaking down things so I can learn from the smaller details, and it shows when I practice just how exactly I differentiate two kicks in Tae Kwon Do when I look into the mirror, or how I understand harder math problems by working though different steps of an easier one, or even how stepping at a certain angle changes my speed and balance during a run. The scissor that I am now is not two crude pieces of metal that tear apart two things-it's now a mindset that breaking down what I perceive can lead to more fruitful opportunities and experiences. If that means that breaking down something like a movie like Star Wars, yet also being able enjoy it for what it means as a whole to me, I believe that's why I was given this talent.
I feel like I've lost a bit about how instead of being just a scissor, that I also want to go into film because Star Wars opened my eyes and made me re-evaluate what actions I took. I also want to say how I want to get more into film, because I feel I can help create "magic" by breaking things apart into smaller steps during a movie process, but I don't know how that will fulfill the background prompt.
Also, could I repurpose my essay for this UC Personal Statement Prompt?
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?
1st paragraph
- To explain, I probably have to explain two other things: My personality and Star Wars.
- From my very earliest of days,
Final paragraph
- I feel like I've lost a little bit
- about how instead of being just a scissor,
- I also want to say how I want to get more into film, becauseFilm is where I feel I can help create "magic"
- by breaking things apart into smaller steps duringand turn them into a movie process.
- but I don't know how that will fulfill the background prompt.( this phrase is not necessary )
Sanak, honestly, with this revision of your essay, it didn't improve from the original one.
I would also not let you re - purpose this prompt into your UC personal statement.
For the next essay, I suggest that you do a completely different one, something strong and with emotion, write from the heart with the purpose aimed at your academic success.
I actually only revised my final paragraph, as @vangiespen said I should follow more of a background route on my essay, as the rest of my essay was more in line with the other prompt I provided. I changed it from Personal Dillema to Background. Also, part of what you edited near the end was separate from my essay, and not the final paragraph. Sorry for the confusion there.
Sanak, do me and the reviewer a favor and divide your essay into specific paragraphs please. Right now, the essay is getting difficult to read and the topics are harder to keep track of because the discussion is not divided into topic paragraphs. If you are to properly develop this essay, you need to separate the discussion in order to get more room for idea development and presentation.
When you discuss the way that you were enthralled by the entry of the storm troopers in the movie, don't just say that you were transfixed. This is the portion where you can discuss the "magic" of movie making and your first experience in the "taking apart and putting things together" in the sense of movie making. Try to come up with a discussion with your father about the scene that you saw. Come up with questions like "How did they make a Stormtrooper?" or "How did the Millenium Falcon fly?" Or, if you really want to get into the breakdown of a movie character in the sense of your scissor fascination, "Why does Darth Vader have a helmet on and why does he have all those buttons on his chest?" Then you can come back around and have your father respond to your questions with only one answer that told you you wanted to be a movie making scissor. His response has just got to be (in my opinion). "Son, that is the cutting edge of movie magic. In movie editing, you can take things apart scenes and put them back together to make something unique and interesting for people to watch. " Then you can explain that Star Wars was the movie that taught you how having a scissor personality is a good, not bad thing. You just needed to learn how to redirect the destructive energy into positive actions.
I would skip the discussion about your extra curricular activities and just concentrate on your scissor personality in relation to movie making. Explain instead that this is the personality that led you say make home movies or become a Youtube contributor. Show the development of your maturity in the sense of your career choice or perhaps the way that you found to redirect the creative forces within you :-)
Once you revise the essay to slant in that manner, I strongly believe that you will also be able to use the same essay, with some minor revisions, as the personal statement prompt for UC as well. Just make sure that you are not submitting prompt 5 to the same university because the reviewer will not appreciate a rehashed essay. You want to avoid self-plagiarism as all costs :-)
Alright, thank you. I will focus on the scissor mentality more in my revisions tomorrow. Thanks for all the help today.
