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developing life threatening disease - Penn State #2 Essay


jusanglee91 5 / -  
Oct 29, 2008   #1
Plese give me suggestions and advice. Thank You.

Topic: Recent medical advances have included new techniques that help scientists learn more about how genes work and how they may be linked to disease. This has led to expanded availability of genetic testing and recent legislation in the US Congress. If you could be tested to determine the likelihood of developing life threatening disease in your lifetime, would you choose to do so? Why or why not?

Many people would have the same answer: no. But unlike them, I have a different opinion myself. This is certainly a difficult decision because my life depends on it, but I do have strong reasons. I would like to make a contribution to the research even though it will be a small contribution alone. If these small contributions add up, a treatment for any life threatening diseases will be founded. Of course, I would not be tested on an early age, but I would certainly give it a try when I get old and weak.

HIV/AIDS is one of the life threatening diseases without a treatment that is claiming millions of lives. If we take a look at some of the HIV/AIDS facts, 2.6 million people died of AIDS in 1999, 16,000 people are newly infected with HIV everyday, 16,516 Americans died of AIDS in 1997, and between 650,000 and 900,000 Americans are currently infected with HIV. It is predicted that the federal funding for HIV/AIDS research will exceed 2 billion dollars this year. These stunning and surprising facts have led me to the decision. I just cannot stay calm and still when millions are suffering with it. I believe that we should keep up the research to find the treatment for those who are infected not only with HIV/AIDS but also with other existing and upcoming life threatening diseases.

The main reason I want to be tested is that I want to make a contribution to the medical history. Exactly how will my contribution impact it? It will increase the chance of finding the treatment. If we do, millions of lives will be saved and lastly, a cure will save untold amounts of public and private money currently spent on providing health care and treatment for those infected and suffering from the disease. Sacrifices of many bodies can save billions of people and billions of dollars. Although my contribution will not make a huge difference, I believe that sum of small contributions will eventually lead to a historical discovery.

Risking my life for the millions is definitely worth it. People who deny have the same reason; they are afraid of death and they do not want to risk their precious life. This is unreasonable because eventually, we are going to have to face death, so why not make it worth it by risking our lives for the world and for our children? That is the only way to make our lives precious and worthy. If our contributions help to find the treatment for the disease, we are basically saving the lives of our children, our friends, and the world.

We should all think about the people who are suffering with the life threatening diseases such as HIV/AIDS. Sacrificing our lives for those people and for our next generation is going to change their lives completely. Our sacrifice, participation and contribution will lead to a great, historical, and amazing discovery that will impact the world forever.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 29, 2008   #2
Good evening.

The main thing I am concerned about is that you have a lot of statistics in this essay that are not cited. Where did you find this information? Make sure that it is properly cited in the text to make your essay more credible.

In regards to mechanics, one suggestion: "Our sacrifice, participation, and contribution..."

Other than that, a terrific essay.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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