Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"Discovering my 'Japanese Bridge' " -Macaulay Essay Prompt


capturethesky 1 / 1  
Nov 20, 2010   #1
Standing alone and untouched by man, the bridge appeared to me as if part of nature itself. As I watched the masterpiece more closely I noticed that above a breathtaking scenery, the man-made structure was evidently out of place but somehow it still managed to fit in with the overall landscape. Although the objects of focus seemed unrelated, still one man, rather one artist, was able to see beyond their individuality and portray their collective splendor as a whole. Exposed to this harmonic relationship between man and nature, my eyes were opened to the significance of personal interpretation and creative expression.

...
collegebound28 13 / 22  
Nov 20, 2010   #2
Oh my, this is beautiful, but I think you should add something about how this made you want to be an artist or something.
OP capturethesky 1 / 1  
Nov 24, 2010   #3
My revised second draft:I tried to make it more personal and about myself and my ambitions.

Indisputably, it was one of the most extraordinary things I have ever seen. Standing alone and untouched by man, the bridge appeared to be part of nature itself. As I watched the masterpiece more closely I noticed that above such breathtaking scenery, the man-made structure was evidently out of place but somehow still managed to fit in with the overall landscape. Although the objects of focus seemed unrelated, one man was able to see beyond their individuality and portray their collective splendor as a whole. Exposed to this harmonic relationship between man and nature, my eyes were opened to the significance of personal interpretation and creative expression.

The painting pierced my heart and stirred my entire being. I had fallen in love with art that very moment. I reflected on the concept of one person being able to synchronize a worldly sight and a human gift to create something bigger than either of the two. The beauty of the world compacted inside this one canvas of color had illuminated my senses. Every shade, every stroke was perfectly made, surely it was due to careful collaboration between the artist and God himself. Attempting to portray the impossible, Claude Monet had captured a glimpse of paradise. With a mere brush and ardent determination, I endeavored to mirror his success.

Observing his command of the craft and his knack for finding exceptional subjects to interpret, I only wished I had discovered the hidden treasure Monet had revealed to the world. However, I was well aware that only he could have singled out that specific place and only he could have seen it the manner in which he did. Thus I came to an epiphany that in order to follow in his footsteps, I too would have to venture out in pursuit of my own "Japanese Bridge" and paint it in my own perspective. I began to perceive humanity and nature through an artistic lens and documented the beauty in places and people that seemed insignificant to others.

I continued to develop my talents to the point where I found possibility where there was impossibility and a story where there appeared to be a mystery. Learning that close attention to detail aimed at a specific color, a specific feel, and a specific finishing product, I began to see the importance of the artistic interpretation. Soon my explorations in art allowed me to single-handedly identify the ultimate purpose for my life: to channel my creative potential towards inspiration for others. I sought to recreate instances that would be mesmerizing and enchanting to all viewers. Feeling like a part of something greater than myself and yet unworthy of what lay before my eyes, I looked for the appeal and worth of man and nature. My world became a clear canvas, my eyes a palette of vibrant animated colors, and my life an instrument to highlight the simple beauty of one moment, one place, and one time.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2010   #4
Keep the verb tense the same: The painting pierced my heart and stirred my entire being. I had fallen fell in love with...

Ah! Actually, I like it your way. It is a toss up... it could be stylistically correct either way, I think.. and I am not sure if I think you should make the change I indicated above. You have to decide!

This is definitely the correct tense: Attempting to portray the impossible, Claude Monet had captured a glimpse of paradise. (i.e. the past perfect tense) . And now that I read the whole paragraph I think I want to reaffirm my suggestion above. Do ti this way:

The painting pierced my heart and stirred my entire being. I fell in love with...

This is great writing!! Here is one last suggestion for you: Soon my explorations in art allowed enabled me to...

Not much room for improvement in this inspired piece of writing!


Home / Undergraduate / "Discovering my 'Japanese Bridge' " -Macaulay Essay Prompt