"a diverse community" umich supplement #1

so here's the prompt
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.

and my essay

U Mich essay #1
"Diversity" is a common word around my house. Born in India, within a Hindu community, and raised in the UAE, within an Arab community, I have been exposed to diversity my entire life. My life ranges from Indian spices to desert dates, from Madhubani folk art to Bedouin camel paintings of nomads and from Indian breads to Arab chicken shawermas.

Children in my community back in India are not brought up much differently than I have been brought up in the UAE. I have always been fascinated by my centuries old hindu culture, but the traditional life of a nomad in the desert amazes me no less. I believe that I come from a mix of communities, both Indian and Arab. If I was brought up in India, I would be no less exposed to my culture than I am now. Here at home, we follow the same traditional values, speak Hindi and eat Indian food every day. Being a part of two communities at the same time has somewhat become a part of my life now.

Some more examples would be good, because it seems like you're reiterating the same point. Also remove 'I believe', just say I come from a mix of communities..

Also i think its "If I were brought up..."
Good luck :-)

actually it is 'If I was brought up' I agree about the 'I believe thing though' Then you can give more examples of the diversity you talked about like maybe how its different with Arab friends and Hindu friends or something ,like that

Good essay. look for synonyms to some words in a thesaurus for a better style, but overall good flow. Review mine?