Hi! Can anyone please help me with my college essay? Feel Free to write any comments. How is the length? Where do you think the paragraph breaks can go?
Essay Prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Essay:
There is no planet in the Universe like the Earth- so diverse yet so connected. Each region of this unique planet provides its one of a kind experience and culture. Each individual provides his/her culture and experiences from their life. These individuals come to other parts of the world to share their experiences. Rutgers is one such place and I am one such individual. The culture I bring along is not a national one, not a cultural one but a mixture of both. In my life, many influences have shaped me to be the person I am today. Some of these influences were cultural. Some of these were people. Some of these were events and actions. Whatever, the influence was, it had a profound effect on my personality. I come from India, a country that has been the center of many of my beliefs. I am, like most Indians, a Hindu, who is very religious. I am also a vegetarian like the rest of my family. Although these look like they have been there all my life, they are the foundations of the individual I am. Over half of my life, I have lived in India amongst the very diverse community it is. Any religious or cultural festival is celebrated- Christmas, Eid, the New Year to name a few. But one thing that was lacking was something that I dearly desired, a better education. So, in pursuit of a better education, I have come to America with my Indian and Hindu cultures to pursue a better life and fulfill my dream of becoming an aeronautical engineer. It is this dream that has brought me to America. When I came here, I was like any other immigrant, lost and perplexed by the land and its people. But as I settled in the community of Highland Park, I realized what a diverse community it is. Then I realized that I too add to this community to make it much more diverse than it is. Rutgers being situated in this region is a boon for me because being the diverse community it is, I will add to it more. This will not only benefit me but also the community of Rutgers.
Essay Prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Essay:
There is no planet in the Universe like the Earth- so diverse yet so connected. Each region of this unique planet provides its one of a kind experience and culture. Each individual provides his/her culture and experiences from their life. These individuals come to other parts of the world to share their experiences. Rutgers is one such place and I am one such individual. The culture I bring along is not a national one, not a cultural one but a mixture of both. In my life, many influences have shaped me to be the person I am today. Some of these influences were cultural. Some of these were people. Some of these were events and actions. Whatever, the influence was, it had a profound effect on my personality. I come from India, a country that has been the center of many of my beliefs. I am, like most Indians, a Hindu, who is very religious. I am also a vegetarian like the rest of my family. Although these look like they have been there all my life, they are the foundations of the individual I am. Over half of my life, I have lived in India amongst the very diverse community it is. Any religious or cultural festival is celebrated- Christmas, Eid, the New Year to name a few. But one thing that was lacking was something that I dearly desired, a better education. So, in pursuit of a better education, I have come to America with my Indian and Hindu cultures to pursue a better life and fulfill my dream of becoming an aeronautical engineer. It is this dream that has brought me to America. When I came here, I was like any other immigrant, lost and perplexed by the land and its people. But as I settled in the community of Highland Park, I realized what a diverse community it is. Then I realized that I too add to this community to make it much more diverse than it is. Rutgers being situated in this region is a boon for me because being the diverse community it is, I will add to it more. This will not only benefit me but also the community of Rutgers.
