Ohio State is my first choice and I really wanna get it, badly! Please check for any errors of any sort and also you may give advice as to ways in which i can improve the essay. All help is accepted.This is my first draft so any changes or suggestions are welcomed! Please and Thank You in advance.
Prompt: Why are you interested in Ohio State University? Maxium 300 words-- i have 460.
Di-ver-si-ty -noun, plural -ties. The state or fact of being diverse; difference; unlikeness.
Coming from a very close knit family, I've always long for independence and I always fantasized that going away to college would bring me that independence I always longed for. Walking on the busy campus roads, I felt a sense of belonging and also a hint of independence though I walked in the midst of hundreds of diverse kinds of students. Formerly living in Bronx, New York blinded my eyes to diversity. Though New York City is known for their diverse population, the neighborhood I lived in seemed to have a lack of that. Most of the population in the Bronx is Puerto Rican, Dominican, Jamaican, or African/ African American. After moving to Ohio, with high expectations of living in a more diverse community, yet I was still disappointed. Stepping onto the campus of Ohio State gave my keen eyes what they were looking for. Automatically, I felt a sense of belonging, confidence, and independence that I'd been searching for all 4yrs of my high school career.
Psy-chol-o-gy -noun, plural -gies. The science of the mind or of mental states and processes. Since I could remember I was intrigued by the human mind. By the "what-if's" and the "why not's" of the human behavior. I always found a personal satisfaction in solving mental problems, and not math problems. By my sophomore year of high school, I was done aspiring to be things I saw in the movies, and found a great interest in psychology. I grew ecstatic when I came to find out that a psychology class was offered in my junior year and which high expectations, I took the class. Now here I am in my senior year of high school, ready to establish myself and my life in the field of psychology in hopes of branching out someday. Fortunately for me, Ohio State isn't only a school of high prestige, but it also offers challenging programs for undergraduates psychology majors.
Ex-pe-ri-ence- noun, verb -enced, -enc-ing. A particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something. For me, Ohio State University offers me the opportunity to embrace the college experience without having to go too far from home. It offers the experience of being independent, and also the experience of learning about myself and my comfort zones. I believe that attending Ohio State University will help me gain an upper hand in whichever career path I eventually decide to take. So "Why Ohio State University?" you might ask? Well because Ohio State fits and exceeds all that I am looking for in a 4 year college and I sincerely believe that Ohio States great prestige and teaching staff, will help my future be a whole lot brighter.
Sonia,
I think that you have a good essay here! You certainly addressed the prompt and you answered the questions that you addressed yourself. There were only a few corrections that I made on behalf of the essay. Otherwise, it it good.
--Mark :)
Coming from a very close knit family, I've always longed for independence and I always fantasized that going away to college would bring me that independence I always longed forfor which I longed .
After moving to Ohio, with high expectations of living in a more diverse community, yet I was still disappointed.
--> This sentence does not make sense, and it is difficult to wrap my mind around it. You can try this: After moving to Ohio, I was disappointed, although I had high expectations of a more diverse community.
By the "what-if's" and the "why not's" of the human behavior
--> This is not a complete sentence.
I grew ecstatic when I came to find out that a psychology class was offered in my junior year and whichwith high expectations, I took the class.
