Hello, I was wondering if anyone would be able to help me correct my essay.
Also, is it safe to post something as serious as a college acceptance essay on a public forum...wouldn't people be able to steal it?
I need some critique on my essay, I would appreciate any help given... please be brutal, I need to improve. :)
Thank you in advance to anyone that helps revise this!
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school.
Life is full of surprises, things happen for unknown reasons that change our lives and it is these things that shape us as we grow. It is not the experience that defines us, but our response, the emotion that we fill the experience with, is what will be remembered. I recall a certain event in my life that helped shape me to be the person that I am today; it is because of that day that I want to be a physician. Everyone is faced with a tragic situation in life, whether the death of a loved one or a severe illness, and it is usually these frightening moments that open our eyes and make us realize how lucky we are to be alive and to live the life that we have.
I did not know my grandparents well as we moved from Ukraine to America when I was seven. My parents are young and proud to have five wonderful, healthy children. My growing up experience felt similar to Siddhartha Gautama's- Buddha- we were never exposed to death or illness. Life was secluded, sheltered; we were protected from the grief of the world, you'd always hear about the death of a classmates' grandparent but you did not know what that felt like. Like Siddhartha Gautama, you cannot live in this "magical world" forever but will have to venture out sooner or later and then you'll be hit with these overwhelming feelings, tragedies, sorrow. I was only eleven when my younger brother by a year, awoke suddenly in the middle of the night, disoriented. My parents rushed over to his room, but he couldn't speak, his words were jumbled syllables, incomprehensible. My dad grabbed me for a translator and rushed to the emergency room. I remember my brother lying on a bed surrounded by doctors, the machines were humming and flashing as he lied still. In desperation, my dad threw on a medical coat and attempted to help as best as he could as I stood less that ten feet away, shocked and in tears. Here was my best friend, my closest sibling, one who was always there for me as I was for him, and now in this frightening moment there was nothing I could do to help him. Those doctors were complete strangers! But it was in their hands that so many people trusted the lives of their loved ones. They are brave, they are intelligent, and they are the bringers of good news. My brother soon recovered and was soon able to go home. That was a terrifying new experience for us but we were all thankful that everything turned out all right. It is also the reason why I want to pursue a career as a physician. What those people do is beyond incredible, amazing, or courageous. You hear stories of young happy families who are struck with these tragedies, one in particular is of a father who was diagnosed with a life threatening illness and needed a heart transplant. He was a young father of two and had it not been for the medical care that he received he would not have be able to live to see his children grow up, get married, and become a grandparent. We are all lucky to be alive, to be able to see, talk, hear, these little things are taken for granted but there are always people who are not capable of performing these little things.
I want to be a doctor so I could help people, it is my passion and it is something that I will pursue. It is intimidating to think that your future depends on what you do in these teenage years, but I have already taken the first step to accomplishing my goal. I'm preparing myself in high school by taking AP classes and applying to a college that will make a difference in my preparation for my career. When considering which school to apply to, many factors come in and for many aspiring students, rank is the deciding factor. UF has a lot offer, its dedication to medicine and partnership with Shands Hospital is something that no other college can compete with, and to top it all off, it has a high ranking as well. I have the determination and motivation to accomplish my dream, and I am pursuing the education that will help me achieve my future.
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