"Why are you still doing community Service? You know you don't have to, right?"

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer

"Why are you still doing community Service? You know you don't have to, right?" my friend said looking at me perplexed. Of course I knew I didn't need community hours to fulfill scholarship requirement. I was giving up their time freely because that not only will it help those but it helps build confidence and help me feeling like I'm actually doing something. One program called Midnight Run were student bring homeless food, clothing and toiletries from seven to midnight to the homeless. We would make three stop during that night. Some would shuffle over to us and those that didn't for reason they didn't share we would leave food and water by their boxes. Other would talk about their life before sleeping on the streets and those stories is what I always remember what they where and how they got there. Their stories would hold on to your heart and draw your full attention. I listened and took it in cause I knew why I was here, to be a part of their stories .The best part is when someone turns to you and say thank you, with sincerity and hope and you think to yourself I put that there. I made a difference.

Switching from first person to second person. It should be all first person.

When we make plurals, we add 's' to the noun. You left out most of those.


You mentioned homeless twice in this sentence. It needs to be mentioned only once.

I have the feeling you didn't read this over before posting. Most of these kinds of errors are pretty glaring. It definitely needs to be reworked.

The best part is when someone turns to you and says thank you with sincerity and hope and you think to yourself, "I put that there. I made a difference."

I think it sounds better :)

This is a good choice for an extracurricular to elaborate on. It shows that you enjoy volunteering and you like making a difference.

Like EF_Stephen said you should make it all in the first person, and definitely read through it for grammar. I like to read my essays out loud to see if things flow and sound good, because when you read your work out loud you're more likely to notice issues with grammar and flow.

Also you might want to focus on a specific example from Midnight Run as opposed to generalizations. Think of one person you helped that you remember vividly. Specific anecdotes are better than generalizations.