I did not realize how hard a 150 word or less essay is. I tried to make it different and stand out and show the qualities and skills I learned from bartending that could apply to the hospitality field.
Drawing Guinness from a tap requires a certain finesse and patience. A certain glass is used that is aerodynamically designed to allow nitrogen bubbles to flow down the side of the glass while bubbles in the center flow upward. The glass is held at a 45-degree angle, allowing less bubbles to form and is filled three-quarters of the way. Then, the beer is allowed to settle, creating the perfect creamy head at the top of the glass. Once it settles, the glass is filled to the top and is ready to be served. Being a bartender has taught me how to work in a fast-paced environment as well as have the ability to multi-task; qualities that the hospitality industry demands. I have to be able to maintain a coherent thought process when listening to drink orders and remembering what ingredients make up hundreds of cocktails.
word count: 149
Good evening :)
Yes, it is difficult to sum up something you are passionate about in so few words, isn't it?
It seems a bit disorganized right now. I like your intro and the short explanation, but I wonder what it has to do with the last two sentences of the piece; they seem to be completely disassociated from each other. I would stick with the beginning because it is a very attention-grabbing section, and change the last two lines. Perhaps you could draw some comparison between the precision of this technique and that of the hospitality industry, or something else. I think creating some kind of analogy or parallel here would be very effective, because this is a very unique piece you have here. Great work.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
ok forget the previous essays and here is my final version:
As a bartender, drawing Guinness from a tap requires a certain finesse and patience. A pint glass designed specifically for this task is held at a 45-degree angle, allowing few bubbles to form. After being filled three-quarters of the way, the beer is then given time to settle, allowing a perfect creamy head to form at the top of the glass. Once it settles, the glass is then filled the rest of the way and served to another satisfied customer. The same precision and care devoted to this technique is much like the attentiveness seen in the hospitality industry. While staying at the Sheraton Boston Hotel, I noticed this same application in every tiny detail, from the fresh orchids in the main lobby, to the front desk agents and bellhops smiling and being helpful. Each feature all worked to create that same sense of satisfaction. This dedication to detail plays a key role in creating an amicable atmosphere for guests as well as providing service in a timely fashion.
Only problem is this is 171 words. So I was wondering if the last sentence was deleted if it would sound ok?
Thanks.
Good evening.
OK, let's see:
"As a bartender, drawing Guinness from a tap requires a certain finesse and patience. A pint glass designed specifically for this task is held at a 45-degree angle, allowing few bubbles to form. After being filled three-quarters of the way, the beer is then given time to settle, allowing a perfect creamy head to form at the top of the glass. Once it settles, the glass is then filled the rest of the way and served to another satisfied customer. The same precision and care devoted to this technique is much like the attentiveness seen in the hospitality industry. While staying at the Sheraton Boston Hotel, I noticed this same application in every tiny detail, from the fresh orchids in the main lobby, to the smiling, helpful front desk agents and bellhops. (Removed) This dedication to detail plays a key role in creating an amicable atmosphere for guests as well as providing service in a timely fashion."
Try that.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
sounds great however it's still too long. do u know if they cut off the essay if you type more than 150 words? if so, i changed the beginning part back to the original which uses fewer words.
As a bartender, I learned that drawing Guinness from a tap requires a certain finesse and patience. A specific pint glass is held at a 45-degree angle, allowing less bubbles to form and is filled three-quarters of the way. The beer is allowed to settle, creating the perfect creamy head at the top of the glass. Once it settles, the glass is filled to the top and is ready to be served. The same precision and care devoted to this technique is much like the attentiveness seen in the hospitality industry. While staying at the Sheraton Boston Hotel, I noticed this same application in every tiny detail, from the fresh orchids in the main lobby, to the smiling, helpful front desk agents and bellhops. This dedication to detail plays a key role in creating an amicable atmosphere for guests as well as providing service in a timely fashion.
Good evening.
It's really up to the admissions board. Some times they won't even consider something that exceeds their requirements, others will allow some leeway. Do you know anyone else that is also making or has made this particular application? If so, they would be the ones to ask.
I like your latest revision; it is concise yet flows well. Remove the comma after "lobby" and I think it's great!
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
