hi ! I have to talk about mu personality , my career goals and how this program can help me to meet those goals and how its influence on my personal develpment :)
plz last year I wasn't selected , so I'm trying again !
this is my essay :
"Dream big"are words my mother have always told me, are words that have inspired me since my childhood. Living for one year in the United States is, without a doubt, a big dream for me to realize. Since elementary school, I have always refused to be like the others and searched to stand out the crowd .So, I do not hesitate to take responsibilities like being the delegate or preparing presentations on different topics .I grew up ambitious , determined and inquisitive . I am an open-minded person. Thanks to "Sawty" association, I have attended different roundtables and meetings and found myself interested in debating with people having different cultural and political influences. I get so happy when I get to convince people of my ideas. But if they're not ,I just respect theirs .I love discovering new places and making new acquaintances . I have volunteered on several occasions and met underprivileged people which have nourished my heart with compassion and kindheartedness, sensations you'll never learn from books .One after-school activity has particularly inspired me and oriented my career choice is teaching English and French to elementary and preparatory school kids. Their good marks and their smiles and joy have proved to me that teaching will be one of my vocations in life and specially teaching immunology in university . In fact , among all the subjects I've been studying since my first year , immunology has appealed me the most .I dream of being a researcher in this field and conduct pertinent and useful researches related to the treatment of cancers and immunodeficiency illnesses .Being a researcher is my second cherished vocation. Therefore, the NESA program will provide me with the incredible chance of studying immunology. I can't believe that I'll be completing an internship in an american laboratory.I'll surely gain so much in terms of professionalism and qualifiedness.Not only I'll deep my scientific knowledge but also I'll discover the american way of teaching. After obtaining my diploma in Biological Engineering with honor, I intend to accomplish my higher education which is imperative to become a researcher and a professor.My dreams don't stop here.I aim to have my own firm, a monoclonal antibodies production firm. If nobody realizes this idea before I do , it will be the first company of its kind in the Arabic world. This is quite challenging for me.Thus,I need to build up a stronger personality.I believe that the NESA program would help me to fight my fears and become more confident and self independent. Everyday, I'll prove to myself that I'm capable of overcoming every challenge, that being patient and believing in my own potential are my keys to success. Besides ,improving my English is definitely a huge benefit for me.In fact , It will help me to write greater speeches and to deliver them assuredly in meetings hosting international guests. I also dream of representing Tunisia in international seminars related to immunology. Hence , in the united States , I'll try to join a club and work on delivering speeches in front of an audience.I do aspire for leadership positions and I know that,step by step, I will reach my goals.I am sure that the NESA program would open a door full of opportunities for me so early in my life. My mom have chosen the right words , I guess.
Hello Marwa,
I have read your essay and would like to suggest that you re-check your grammar and punctuation as well as spell out any acronyms the first time you use them and then use the acronyms after identifying the organization or meaning first. For ex. The World Health Organization (WHO) has assisted and developed strategies to help with world health concerns. Then you may use the acronym for any subsequent usage of the organization/meaning. This helps the reader identify with the acronym used. In addition, I would stay away from negatives or questioning remarks as I guess used in the ending of your essay. Stay positive and motivated to achieve. It is in my opinion that you have a very good rough draft that has a lot of potential. But, please take everything I am saying with a grain of salt as I am no professor!!!! These are just my personal suggestions. I wish you well in your endeavors and thank you for your assistance as well!
thank you very much ! but how do I change my last sentence ? Do you have any suggestion ?
and what are my grammar mistakes please ?
hello Marwa,
The words 'dream big' bring special meaning to me, as I clutch them close to my heart - they are the words of inspiration said to me by my beloved mother. They Echo to me across they great water to the land of opportunity, the free nation of the United States.
Since childhood ,
Whereas, I do not hesitate
Thanks to the "Sawty"
I find joy when given the opportunity to share my ideas with others, and respect the opinions given back to me.
Smile of wonder
I have been
Spell out NESA
In addition to the collection of scientific knowledge, while studying abroad I will have gained insight into the strategies of American teaching.
potentials to use as my keys to success.
To deliver sureties while meeting and hosting international guests
A suggestion for your last sentence:
I know that the NESA program would widen the door of opportunity and allow for quick advancement so earlier in my chapter, with the ringing of mothers words guiding my course.
I hope I helped you and did not change your meanings too much, but it does help to see from a different view point.
kindheartedness - definately not a word.
nourished my heart with compassion and kindheartedness , sensationsFeelings you'll never learnunderstand from books
One after-school activity that has particularly inspired me
You might want to elaborate on the organisations, as I have never heard of them. Hopefully the poeple responsible for your exchange know what those organisations are, what it means to be a member, and what your responsibilities as a member are.
Thanks for your help as well !!!!
